Judging others, being perfect, and not being good enough

Forgive me oh readers, for I'm about to get mushy on you...sorry, but I can't help it. Please skip this entry if you feel like it, and frankly I'm a little embarassed that I'm posting it, because I hate sharing thoughts that are so personal to people who may or may not understand what I'm trying to express.
First of all these are just the thoughts in my head and not meant to be taken personally in any way to anyone. I am in no way making any accusations to any of my friends or readers, as I am just as imperfect as they are in every way. That's sort of the point.
There have been several things on my mind lately. Actually I've always been pretty passionate about them, and lately it's been on my mind again, maybe because I've been thinking a lot about my own imperfections, and also because of things I notice going on around me all the time.
Recently my religion had the General Relief Society meeting, a meeting directed mainly at the women of the church. President Monson, a man who we believe is a modern day prophet, touched up a lot on things that have been bugging me lately regarding how people judge others, and I absolutely love that he spoke about it. If you haven't had a chance to hear/read his talk, you can read it here. (Click on the word "here" in the previous sentence...it's not highlighted for some reason, but it's a link) Even if you aren't a women of the church, it's material speaks, I think to everyone.
I hear it all the time...people saying bad things about other people, because of choices they make or have made. Maybe it's the way said person handles their problems, maybe it's what they wear, how they speak, or what they look like...we live in an extremely judgmental world. It makes me particularly sad when people of my own religion, who know better say bad things about others. It makes me grit my teeth every time. It frustrates me, and it makes me sad, and even irritated. In the article I highlighted above our prophet states, " There is really NO way we can know the heart, the intentions, or the circumstances of someone who might say or do something we find reason to criticize. Thus the commandment: “Judge not.” "
I think that judging other people is an easy commandment to forget. It's easy to look at someone for the things they do, the weaknesses they have, or the choices they make and just label them as an "idiot" , "airhead" , "slut" , "Lazy" , "irresponsible", etc. Though I try not to, I have found myself guilty of criticizing others in my mind when I, myself am not perfect and have no right to do so. Why do we do it? Why do we compare ourselves to others or criticize them? What is it in our human nature that makes us think we have any right to judging what kind of human being someone else is, due to what we see in our very limited, human vision?
Bottom line is we're all on the same journey in this world. We're all on the same path...we should be helping each other. I know this sounds cheesy, but it's true so I don't really care if I sound like a cheese ball for writing it.


I read an article last night by a man who, even though does not have the same religious beliefs as I do, wrote about what he calls "The disease of Perfection", and how we, as a society are so desperate to be perfect and not be judged negatively, while at the same time judging others, and that it's destroying us as a whole. You can read it here
(Click on the word "here" in the previous sentence...it's not highlighted for some reason, but it's a link)
and you can read for yourself and decide if I'm crazy or not for crying like a little girl the whole time I was reading it. I hate thinking about lost, and sad people in the world who have nobody to turn to and are so afraid of either not appearing perfect, or being judged...and judging themselves, not willing to forgive themselves for their imperfections and try and move on. It's so easy for us not to face our weaknesses because it would mean admitting that we have them, which we don't want to. That's why I served a mission. I wanted people to know that they had worth, that there was hope, and that they were not alone. If it wasn't for the concepts of the gospel I would have easily been hindered just as badly as the people that the author mentions in the above article.
When I was 19, I lived away from home and my parents lived in an entirely different state. For the first time, if I didn't feel like going to church, I didn't have to. If I didn't feel like going to school, I didn't have to. I was free to make my own choices without a guardian pushing me in the direction they wanted me to go. I did a lot of soul searching during that time. I was very very blessed and fortunate to be around loving friends, church leaders, visiting teachers and institute teachers that were always there for me. I was young, restless, impulsive and expressive. I wasn't the typical Utah Mormon girl. I dressed like a rock star complete with leather pants of every color, among other things. I'm sure a lot of people judged me by what I wore. What they didn't know was that I was temple worthy, read my scriptures every day, wanted to serve a mission, already served in the institute of religion council, and even though I wasn't endowed, I went and performed baptisms in the temple every week before school. I loved the Lord. I was judged on both sides...some people thought bad things about me because of the clothing I chose to wear at the time, others were shocked to discover how "churchy" I really was, because I was "too cool" (which I think meant "laid back" in their language) to be so passionate about my religion. Like I said though, I was very blessed to have a lot of good people around me who didn't judge me, and by not judging me, allowed me to grow. Had my friends, leaders, and teachers treated me with disdain for some of my more frivolous choices I'm not sure I'd have progressed at all, or be where I am today. In fact I would have felt lost, and confused, allowing the adversary to tempt me into the opposite direction and make a lot of bad choices. I don't know where I'd be if it weren't for the good, unconditional people in my life at that time, and no matter where I go or what I do, I will always be grateful for them. Some of them read this blog occasionally and they know who they are. :) Because of that experience, I make a point to try and give everyone the benefit of the doubt, because like pres. Monson said, I don't know their hearts, and maybe more than anything, they need to know that other people will still treat them like human beings before they're willing to face their own weaknesses. In his words, "How can we love one another, as the Savior has commanded, if we judge each other? (On a side note, I don't dress like that anymore, mostly because my fashion sense along with my way of thinking has changed...not because I think bad people wear those things.)
Being a religious person, I strongly believe that one of the adversaries greatest and most successful weapons is making people feel bad about themselves. After all, what would impede our progression in this life more than feeling worthless and incapable? I know this is something I struggle with. I've struggled with the concept of "Not Being Good Enough" all my life. At times it really has hindered my progression in some aspects because I was so afraid of failure in the things I wanted to accomplish that I didn't even try. I don't think I'm the only person who's felt that way. I'm pretty sure that in the society we live in, most people are already aware of their imperfections, (or in denial of them) and don't need those imperfections rubbed in their faces by people who don't really know their heart. We can't help others by making them feel bad, especially if they already feel bad and we just don't know it.
I have many many weakness, and I've been thinking a lot about them lately. Wanna know some? Sometimes I have no patience with my kids and I find myself quick to reprimand them, when they're just being kids. I feel inadequate because I never finished college, and I feel like others think less of me for it. I feel guilty because I'm not as good at reading my scriptures every day, like I used to before I got married. I'm very self critical about my body, and I feel pressured to hide all my physical flaws because of it. I have a temper, and need to learn to control it. I get my feelings hurt too easily. I'm prideful. Sometimes I'm just too dang lazy to do any housework. Sometimes I feel ridiculously misunderstood because I don't know how to express myself. I'm easily distracted...with a very short attention span. I put up a lot of walls to keep people from knowing how I really feel. I struggle with listening to uplifting music. I complain too much and can be very negative sometimes. I have issues with being told what to do by other people, and I'm generally rebellious by nature because of it. I have a hard time forgiving others who have wronged me in the past. I could go on and on. I'm not trying to have a pity party on myself here, I'm embarrassed to admit some of these things where people can read them and yes, judge me, but we all struggle with weaknesses in this life and whether your weaknesses are the same as mine, it's irrelevant.
The thing is, anyone can find something wrong with everyone because we all have something wrong with us, that's why we're here...to recognize our weaknesses and overcome them. More than that...to stop thinking negatively towards others who may have weaknesses that we don't.
When I was living in Bolivia as a missionary, my companion and I came across a kid who was face down in the road in the rain, completely passed out from drinking. He was taken to a home of a lady in the neighborhood who had a son his age, and because of her generous, motherly nature, she cleaned him and dressed him in clean clothes. We helped him get home and started visiting him and teaching him about the Savior. During one of his visits, his mother, right in front of him, complained to us for a half hour about how worthless, and stupid he is, and how he's nothing but a disappointment. I can still remember the pain in his face hearing his mother speak this way about him, saying a lot of things I won't repeat. I don't know what happened, but I stood up and told her to stop. I looked her in the eye and told her that she was wrong, that he had infinite worth, that Christ knows his heart, loves him, and hasn't given up on him. I told her that he was my friend, and that it hurt me to hear her talk that way about my friend. Something happened after that visit, and the kid, who's name was Jorge, started to change. He began to see his worth. He found people who believed in him and started progressing. He even joined my religion.

I'm so glad he found hope in his life. I'm so happy he found more people who believed in him, his mother eventually came around too. On the outside he seemed like just another punk kid, and in the neighborhood he lived in, it was easy to fall into gang life at his age. It still amazes me how all he really needed was a push in the right direction because in the beginning you would have never guessed it to look at him.
That sad thing is, there are lots of people in the world who feel just as worthless and imperfect as he did, but have nobody to turn to. It's up to us as fellow human beings, and children of God to help them see their worth, instead of allowing them to feel hopeless or just write them off as just another "messed up" person.

I know I'm an imperfect person, and yes, I need to overcome my weaknesses, but at the same time I think it's important to pay attention to which voices I'm listening to. Some voices come from a higher source encouraging me to be better, and some come from the world making me feel inadequate or hopeless. I'm so thankful for the spiritual guidance I have in my life to be able to discern between the two and find peace.
I'm grateful that General conference is coming up because I love the encouragement that I feel from the general authorities when they speak. They have the pure love of Christ, and are very much aware of the every day struggles, great and small that we as children of God have. Conference always gives me motivation to be a better person, but not in a way that makes me feel bad; if anything it's in a way that feels positive, motivating, understanding, and encouraging.