As a mother, attitude is everything

I never thought I'd say this, but I'm actually enjoying this pregnancy.  I've never enjoyed a pregnancy in my life.  I've always hated being pregnant.  I love the pay off, but being pregnant has always been tough on me physically, emotionally, and mentally.  In the past, I've described it as being tortured for an entire year.
I'm not saying that this is an easy pregnancy, perhaps its because I know what to expect because I just went through this, but it's actually been easier to get pregnant within the first year of my recent babies life than to wait two or three years like I did with my last three.  I still have hormones, but I have a great routine that helps me out, and like I mentioned earlier, for me, exercise makes an incredible difference, even if it's just a walk.
It's hard not to be hard on myself when I'm pregnant and look in the mirror.  In the past my brain hurt when I saw my reflection and I would think, "I'm NOT supposed to look like that! I am a giant rhino with long hair and makeup!!!"  I've taken on a new attitude lately though, I look in the mirror and I think, "This is exactly what's supposed to happen to me, this is a miracle.  This is a blessing. My body is doing just what it's supposed to, and it's beautiful, and I'm thankful for it."  Having this mind frame makes a difference.  People say it all the time, but it's true.  Attitude is everything. Especially as a mother.  Cheesy, even annoying to admit at times, but it's true. Happiness is a choice.

Five and a half months pregnant with Jake

I'm learning all the time how important optimism and positivity are, whenever anything unhappy comes into my mind.  It's strange because I honestly thought I mastered this skill as a missionary.  I had my brain wired to push out negativity whenever it came into view as a missionary, because I could not teach with the spirit when I didn't. Somehow, over the years when I came back home it started to creep back in once and a while.  Maybe it's because I didn't have the constant help of the spirit as a missionary, maybe it's because the world is so much more distracting when your life is not dedicated to teaching the gospel 24 hours a day, but it crept back in.  Not all the time, but with different challenges as a "grown up" it crept back in.  Maybe it's just harder to keep out because the real world is hard, but dangit I'm going to fight it every day.  I have to.  My quality of life depends on it.
It's funny how those thoughts creep in there too.  Crystal takes dance classes at our local athletic city center, and while I'm there waiting for her, I put the kids in the stroller, and walk around the track to get some exercise for the hour she's there.  Three days ago while I was doing this, I started to get annoyed because I felt tired.  I'm used to the runners lapping me, but even some of the speed walkers were lapping me too.  I was annoyed because I couldn't walk as fast as them, I was annoyed because there were little 10 year old kids who could lap me too.  I started to have negative thoughts about how out of shape I am because of this pregnancy, and how I was lame for not being able to keep up with them.  Then I realized, I was pushing a huge, bulky double stroller.  The stroller alone is at least 10-15 pounds, plus my two boys who were in the stroller, one about 25 pounds and the other about 35 pounds.  There was also a huge diaper bag full of drinks, snacks, wipes, toys, etc that had to be another 7-10 pounds.  Also, minor detail, but being six months pregnant, I get braxton hicks contractions all the time, along with what feels like pulled groin muscles when I walk sometimes.  With all that work, I was still there on the track doing my best.  What the crap did I have to feel negative about?  With that in mind it was easy to smile at the people lapping me and feel good about myself, because my perspective had changed.  I stopped being comparing and competitive and felt grateful for what I can do and the abilities I do have.
Being able to enjoy the little things is a huge part of feeling good.  Another great thing is the time of year I've gotten pregnant this time around.  I'm always happier when the sun is out, and now that it's springtime, I love going outside and just breathing in the fresh air and feeling the sun on my skin.  It makes all the difference. It gives me energy.  Last night we opened the patio door and just had the screen door between the house and outside, and all the fresh air filling my house put me in the best mood ever, the smell of springtime reminds me of night games and staying out late with my friends as a kid.
       The thing that makes me the happiest though, is that I know this is worth it.  Not only is it worth it, but it was my decision to go through with it even though I knew it would be hard.  I was prepared for this to be my hardest pregnancy ever (because they take a bigger toll on my body every time) and instead, it's been my most enjoyable.  Oh the pain is still there, just today I pulled some muscle in my inner thigh chasing my one year old outside, to keep him from getting hit in the face by a kid swinging on a swing.  (It still hurts, and it's been 4 hours) but I was able to smile about it.  My two friends, who were there with me, told me that they couldn't believe that I was pregnant, and chasing a baby and watching my older two at the same time, and that they didn't know how I could handle it.  I told them that for me, the secret has been that I stopped thinking about "how to handle it" and I just do. A lot of what makes things stressful  is thinking about them. I do this not only  because I have to, but also because I choose to.  Understanding that this is my choice has made all the difference.

More than anything, I'm able to have a good, happy, fulfilling attitude, because of the enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.  Since my favorite holiday, Easter is coming up, it always causes me to think about the atonement a little bit more, and how it applies to my every day life.  It's easy to think of the atonement as the ability to be forgiven of sins, and the ability to overcome trials, but honestly, it's so much more than that.  The more I understand the atonement the more I realize that it's applies to every day things, like the way I choose to see difficult situations, the way I apply my willpower, the way I can choose to do something good every day that I don't initially feel like doing, and the fact that instead of wishing for hard situations to go away, I've realized that through the atonement, that I shouldn't wish for those things to go away, I just need to ask for the strength to do them.  Forgiveness of sins, and comfort in suffering are a big part of the atonement, but so is every day motivation, like unclogging the dang toilet for the thousandth dang time because my son is going through a "lets put fun things in the toilet and then flush" phase; and then looking into his eyes and smiling face, and realizing how lucky I am to have a little guy like him, even if he can't leave the toilet alone.  (Just an example.)

Sure I have days that are better than others.  Every once and a while I feel myself feeling a little burnt out at the end of the day, but just like when I was a missionary, I can honestly say, something that I used to write my parents frequently:  "I've never been so tired and so happy at the same time."  As a missionary, I don't think I realized that that feeling was so incredibly similar to what motherhood feels like, if not identical.  (The tired and happy part at least...motherhood is even better than my mission in so many ways.) Also, if I have a hard day, guess what?  I can try again tomorrow, and tomorrow will be better, because I choose to make it better. Not easier, there is no easy when it comes to being a mother, but better. I love being a mother.

As a disclaimer, I just want to say that I'm not trying to pat myself on the back, I'm just letting you know how I've found inner peace, and inner strength to magnify my calling as a mother.   These beautiful children I've been given, are God's children, and he's trusting me to raise them, love them, help them, nurture them, and teach them; and I love that I can look anyone in the eye and let them know that I'm honored to do it, and that having my little family in my life is worth it.
 Before I end this post, I just want to share a specific quote that Elder Bednar uses when he talks about the atonement and how it applies to motherhood, because I absolutely love what he says,  so I'm going to share it here:

"The greatest lessons I have learned about the enabling power have come from the quiet example of my wife in our own home. I watched her persevere through intense and continuous morning sickness and vomiting during each of her three pregnancies. She literally was sick all day every day for eight months with each pregnancy. That challenge was never removed from her. But together we prayed that she would be strengthened, and she indeed was blessed through the enabling power of the Atonement to do physically what in her own power she could not do. Sister Bednar is a remarkably capable and competent woman, and over the years I have seen how she has been magnified to handle the mocking and scorn that come from a secular society when a Latter-day Saint woman heeds prophetic counsel and makes the family and home and the nurturing of children her highest priorities. In today’s world a righteous woman and mother in Zion will need both priesthood support and the enabling power of the Atonement. I thank and pay tribute to Susan for helping me to learn such invaluable lessons."

The whole talk is about the Atonement and the way we choose to use it in our daily lives.  It's a great talk for people to read this time of year when they think about the blessing of the Atonement this Easter Sunday.  If you have time, I highly reccommend it. You can read it here:
http://speeches.byu.edu/?act=viewitem&id=251

I hope you all have a wonderful Easter.

Scott's birthday

It's an interesting dilemma when you're married to an accountant who's birthday is right in the middle of tax season.  Even when Scott was little, his dad, who is also an account, couldn't be home till later at night to say happy birthday to him.  This is why we've never had a spring baby either, because Scott want's to be able to be home during his kids birthdays, and the three months of tax season would prevent that.
So it's hard coming up with stuff to do to make sure Scott has a decent birthday every year.  This year I started with making him a cake.
I am no baker.  I don't make beautiful and amazing cakes like my sister in law Kelsey, and she wasn't around to help me with a cake this year, so I had to figure out something on my own.
So I made started fairly simple.  Scott's favorite cake flavor is lemon, so I made him a nice round lemon cake with cream cheese frosting in the middle.  Then I just used basic lemon frosting on top.  Nothing exciting.  Since I don't know how to decorate cakes, I used candy instead.  It may not look like much, but it took more time than I want to admit, and I'm a little bit proud of it, even if it may look like poo to the more talented people of america who know what they're doing with cakes.

I realize it looks like an Easter cake, but I wanted the colors to match the yellow frosting.  Also those aren't cupcakes around the cake, they're chocolate cake batter cookies.  It may be selfish, but I had to add SOME chocolate.

It was funny when I posted this on instagram because people were surprised that Scott is younger than me.  Even funnier because people think of 2 years as a huge difference.  It's not.
The good news is that Scott actually loved the way the cake tasted.  The bad news is it had way too much candy...I think i got instant diabetes from the piece I ate.

Speaking of candy, I also put together a basket of goodies, including the biggest cookie I made together with a balloon to bring to his work to surprise him for his birthday. I also had an envelope in there with a birthday card that the the kids (except Jacob) signed, and a list of 31 reasons why Scott is awesome, which I wrote about in my last post.  Also two movie tickets to Stephanie Meyer's 'The Host.' As cheesy as the movie sounds, Scott and I read the book together, and we love going to see a movie after we've read the book even if the movie may turn out bad.  This is an activity we've always shared together, so yes, I included tickets to the movie in there.

All his favorite candies, along with his card.  

Here is his balloon attached to it.  

Scott was actually surprised to see me show up at his work, so it was nice being able to surprise him with his little basket.  He giggled at Seth's signature on the card (he can write his name, but we're working on handwriting and sizing of letters).  He also really liked the tickets because he was thinking of going out and buying some for us anyway.  There are few movies Scott will actually take the time to see with me in the theater, but this was one of them.  We sat and talked for a few minutes, and then I headed out with my mom to help her pick some new shirts for Scott that she wanted to buy for his birthday as well.  I didn't get any pictures of them, but he liked them too.  He is really picky about the kind of shirts he wears, they have to be certain brands, certain textures, and he likes all button down/collar shirts, so my mom was happy to have me help her pick them so that she would get something he would wear.

Scott's cousin, Johnny and his wife Dani, wanted to host a small get-together at their house that night to celebrate his birthday.  Scott eats really healthy during the week, and only cheats on weekends.  Since it was Friday and officially the weekend, AND it was his birthday, Scott chose to have breakfast for dinner, because it's been a long long while since he had an all american breakfast.  We ate waffles, sausage, eggs, bacon, hash browns and orange juice.  It was awesome, and the biggest fan of "breakfast for dinner" turned out to be Seth, who ate a ton and called it a "dynamite dinner".  Here are a couple of pictures.

Baby Austin, Jon and Dani's newest addition, who is all smiles

Jon, Dani, Scott and Kyle around the island getting food out to cook

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SCOTT!!!!

Here is Johnny bonding with Jacob who was getting sleepy.  Jacob really took to his  "Uncle Johnny."

Blowing out the candles after singing 'Happy Birthday'

It was really great of Jon and Dani to have us over and it was fun to hang out with them and talk.  The kids did really well there, they went downstairs and watched Disney movies in the basement while the grown ups hung out, and Jakey was busy all night playing with Link's toy cars, he thought the cars were so cool he didn't make a peep, except to exclaim, "Car!" to anyone who would listen.  It was sort of a miricle that the kids were such angels, and we stayed out until one in the morning hanging out which was really nice.

The next day, I didn't take pictures of, but my parents took us out to dinner at Tucano's to celebrate Scott's birthday, and then they sang to him AGAIN at their house when we ate there for Sunday dinner.  So it was really cool to have sort of an entire weekend to celebrate Scott's birthday, even though he had to take work home with him and do it at home on the computer whenever he had down time.

It was a great weekend because we were able to spend time together as a family, and I daresay he had a good birthday in spite of the busy season.  I'm so glad.  I really wanted him to enjoy his birthday.  It's nice to be able to do things for him once in a while since he does so much for us.  Love that man.

31 reasons why Scott is Awesome

For Scott's birthday, the kids and I made a list of 31 reasons why Scott is Awesome.  One for each year of his existence.  Since I wanted to elaborate on said list, I'm doing it here.  That way those of you that know me through Scott can read about your buddy, and those of you who know Scott through me, can learn a little bit about him.  Hurray for the mushy crap!!!

31 REASONS WHY DADDY IS AWESOME

1. HE TAKES GOOD CARE OF JACOB AT CHURCH

I know I've mentioned this before, but Jacob is my most wiggly, agressive, and active child.  He is a handful, and not the easiest to look after.  Worth it, but not easy.  Church is when we have the hardest time.  Luckily for me, Scott takes over during church.  He holds him on his lap, walks him through the foyer and hallways, and takes him while I teach my class.  Last week he took him for the entire three hours and I got to enjoy relief society without being distracted every thirty seconds.  It was wonderful.  Jake and Scott get a long great and just when I'm burning out from watching the kids all day, Scott usually takes my most energetic one off my hands which makes a huge difference.

2. HE CAN DO COOL TRICKS WITH A YO-YO

Not a lot of people know this about him, and he doesn't do it often now that he's a grown man, but as a kid he taught himself all kinds of fun crowd pleasing yo-yo tricks and he can still do them today.  I love that he knows how to do something so random.

3.WE MISS HIM WHEN HE'S GONE

The kids came up with this one.  It's pretty self explanitory, and since it's tax season, this one was one of the first things they thought of.  It says a lot about a man when his presence is missed when he's not in the room. Some people are relieved when certain people aren't around.  That's not the case with Scott.  His wife misses him, and his kids miss him too.

4. HE GOES RUNNING EVERY MORNING

Running takes discipline   Any runner can tell you that.  I love running too, but for me personally, when I'm not pregnant, I run in the evenings, or whenever I find time during the day...but waking up early to do any exercise is immoral in my personal bible of "Lisa."  He is amazing to me for doing this.  He says he has no choice because it's the only time he has to run, but seriously, working 12-15 hour days, every day, it's easy to just consider yourself too busy and call it good. Not for Scott.  Ever since last year he has committed himself to a healthier lifestyle and is honoring that commitment  and it shows.  He looks great.

5. HE SUPPORTS HIS FAMILY
In this day and age, a man being the sole breadwinner is becoming more and more rare.  Not only that, but he's the sole breadwinner of  more than the average 2.5 kids that most Americans have.  He is a wonderful provider. Not just for financial support, but moral, spiritual, and physical support as well.  He's a great Husband and Father for our little family.

6. HE'S A SUPER DUPER PROBLEM SOLVER
Scott loves to solve problems.  Whether it's figuring out what's making the computer glitchy, or why the vacuum is making a weird sound, or how to organize things, or making plans, or fixing things around the house, Scott sees every problem as a challenge.  He will stay up at night thinking about whatever current problem  is on his mind until he figures out a way to solve it.  This comes in handy for me, because I have a tendency to get frustrated and give up with some challenges, but I can usually count on him to help me figure things out, and he likes it.

7. HE LOVES TO LAUGH
This is one of my favorite things about him because we have this in common.  We both know that we can always agree on a good comedy when we're trying to decide what kind of movie to watch together, I love that I can show him things on the web that I find funny, and he's got a wicked sense of humor.  He's made me spit out my drinks, snort, and laugh so hard I cry.  He makes the kids laugh so hard that it echoes through the house, and when we all laugh together we make the best memories.

8. HE IS A GOOD TEACHER
Again, the kids came up with this one.  They love it when Scott takes time to teach them something new, whether it's sports related, or schoolwork, or just facts of life, the kids are all ears when their daddy has something to teach them, and they don't forget the stuff he teaches once he teaches it.

9. HE KNOWS HOW TO FIX THINGS
You could probably say that this goes along with problem solving, but problem solving goes a lot more than just physical things to fix.  He fixes the computers both here and at work whenever they're acting funny.  (He speaks computer)  He's fixed the garage door, the vacuum, the treadmill, the ceiling fan, the clocks, the DVR, the rocking chair, the kids beds, the wiring in the house, the televisions, you name it.  He almost always finds a way to fix things.  When we were first married, he would fix people's X-box's for money through KSL whenever their X-box would break down.  He would also buy broken ones, fix them and then sell them for more money.

10. HE DRIVES US EVERYWHERE
The kids thought of this one, but it's a good one because he really is the chauffeur in our home.  I hate driving, but I do it when I absolutely have to.  I can't imagine having to always be the driver whenever our family goes anywhere.  Carpooling and taking the kids to their lessons is enough for me.  He also always fills up both cars with gas whenever he notices that we're running low.  Both things are appreciated.

11. HE HAS THE SAME BIRTHDAY AS WILLIAM SHATNER!!!
This just makes me happy.  Who doesn't love William Shatner?  It just proves that people born on March 22 are Shatastic!!!  Hahaha!

12. HE LOVES FOOTBALL
Okay, so this isn't my absolute favorite thing because I don't really care about football, but every man should have something they love and are passionate about. I am thankful for it in the sense that it keeps him emotionally healthy and gives them a good break from the everyday pressures of life. Not to mention he's talented at it.  He played on the varsity team way before he was a senior, and was also the captain of the team, and also had a brief stint on the Utah State University team during his freshman year in college. Scott credits football a lot for keeping him out of trouble growing up in high school. He was always so busy waking up early and staying after school for practices that he says he never had time to get into trouble.

13. HE LOVES VACATIONS
I will never have to pressure him to take a vacation with me.  Like me, he needs to get away every once in a while and I love that I have this in common with him.  Every year we make sure to take time to make memories together as a couple and as a family, and in my opinion, some of the best memories you can ever have in life are through vacations with people you love.  Some of the best memories of my childhood were family vacations, and I love that he's feels the same way, and wants to give our kids those memories, not to mention enjoying something out of the ordinary together.

14. HE HAS BIG, GREEN EYES
Interestingly enough, I always said my ideal man would have dark hair, olive skin, and green eyes.  I love green eyes, and I was always partial to them in my dating life.  Not only does he have those eyes, but they are huge. With the longest all natural eye lashes I've ever seen in my life.  I'm always tempted to put mascara on his eyes to see how long they would look because women all over the place pay good money to have eyelashes like his.  Seriously, it's like looking at an animated Disney character.

15. HE HAS A  DAUGHTER WHO LOOKS JUST LIKE HIM
Crystal came up with this one.  Haha!  She has a good point though.  At least someone in this family inherited those amazing huge eyes.  She's actually a lot like him genetically and I'm very thankful for this because she's responsible, a problem solver, and a good student at school.  All of which I believe she inherited from Scott.

16. HIS BROTHERS ARE HIS BEST FRIENDS
Most guys have their buddies, their chums, their bros that they spend their weekends with and hang out with to do guy stuff.  It's pretty awesome that he has 5 brothers that are relatively close in age the he does ALL these things with.  When anyone asks him who his best friend is besides his wife, he always says his brothers.  I love that he's so close to his family because being raised the way I was, I was taught that family is everything, that your forgive each other, that you learn to get along, that you help each other, and that you love each other, because in the end, you will always be connected to them, and after this life, you will still be connected to them.  I love that Scott has those same ideals when it comes to his family.

17. HE'S A GOOD HULA HOOPER
Honestly...we used to complete at hula-hooping on the Nintendo Wii and he kicked my trash every single time.  It's impressive really.

18. HE'S EXTREMELY SMART
Again, this can kind of relate to his problem solving skills, but really, he is able to figure things out efficiently and quickly, his mind is just, organized.  He seems to always see's clearly when it comes to figuring out dillemas and it's like he's a computer, programmed to immediately find faster, cheaper, easier, and more effective ways to do pretty much anything.  Whenever his friends and family can't figure out something on their computer, they call him.  (He BUILT his own computer as his Christmas present to himself one year).

19.HE LIKES MUSIC AND CONCERTS
I'm glad I married someone who likes music.  He may not like singing or dancing, but he will always enjoy a good tune on the radio, and he goes to concerts with me.  We've been to several music/rock concerts since we've been married. In fact, he just bought us tickets to another one in May.  I love that we can share those experiences together.

20. HIS FAMILY LOVES HIM VERY MUCH
Seth brought this one up, and he's right.  It's not a small thing.  Both his extended and immediate family care a lot about him.  His children adore him, and I don't know what I would do without him.  The few times I've wondered what life would be like without him send me into a panic.

21. HIS NAME MEANS, "PAINTED WARRIOR"
Go Scott Go!!!  Actually, according to this website, " People with this name have a deep inner desire for a stable, loving family or community  and a need to work with others and to be appreciated. They are excited by change, adventure, and excitement.  They are dynamic, visionary and versatile, able to make constructive use of freedom.  They fight being restricted by rules and conventions.  they tend to be optimistic, energetic, intelligent, and to make friends easily.  They may be changeable  restless, untidy and rebellious."
... This is all true except for the rebellious thing.  Scott isn't really rebellious at all, and he enjoys playing by the rules.  This is something we actually don't have in common.  I had a little rebellious streak growing up.  Scott brings stability to my life.

22. HE PLAYS WELL WITH HIS KIDS
Again, the kids came up with this one.  They all got baseball mitts for Christmas and they are always asking him to have a catch with him when he's home.  He loves to wrestle with the boys when he's home from work, and he's the one the kids go to when they need excitement.  Especially with my pregnancy, my energy runs out fast.  I don't run around with them like Scott does.  I'm the one who lays by the pool and lets Scott play all the games with them.  When we were on our trip in Mexico, people at the resort would always look and smile and Scott playing with the kids in the pool as they walked by, he would get just as involved in the games as they were, and people could tell he is a fantastic dad.  He loves to play with them.

23. HE USUALLY COOKS DINNER
I will always consider it a blessing that I married a man who loves to cook, who makes excellent tasty meals, and who is happy to cook the whole family dinner when he comes home from work.  For most of our marriage we have a system where he cooks, and I do the dishes.  I hate cooking, he hates dishes, so this works out for us great.  I miss this dynamic during tax season.  Cooking is not my thing.  I'm not like most Mormon housewives in this aspect.

24. HES' A THROUGH PLANNER/RESEARCHER
If it's a product he's looking into, a vacation he wants to go on, or anything he doesn't know too much about but wants to, he will spend HOURS researching about it.  It's because of this that we've had awesome vacations as a married couple.  He will know what thing we're doing on which day, where to eat, where to buy the best souvenirs  and what to do.  He loves planning stuff like that.  Since we run most of our errands on weekends together, he usually has a game plan of how to handle our errands in which order every weekend.  He also knows which products get the best customer reviews and why when we want to buy anything.

25. HE ALMOST ALWAYS TIPS THE WAITER/WAITRESS AT RESTURANT, AND HE'S GENEROUS
I LOVE this about him.  When I was single, I spent two years working as a waitress.  I know how hard the work is, I would go home sore with my feet aching and smelling like food after a long shift.  I know how hard it is to handle multiple tables and carry multiple drinks without dropping them, and having a good memory to remember who needed refills on what drinks, and to be sympathetic to picky eaters.  It's hard work, and tips mean the world to you when you do that kind of job.  When I was single and would date guys, I always paid attention to whether or not they tipped and how much, because it told me whether or not they were selfish or generous, picky or easy going,  anal or understanding  cheap or willing to spend money, stingy or kind, absent minded or thoughtful.



26. HE'S AN EFFECTIVE AND GREAT FINANCIAL PLANNER
It's nice being married to an accountant.  He knows how to handle our money, what we can and can't afford to spend, and he's great at helping us stick to our budget.  He makes things work out so that we can afford vacations and still pay the bills.  It's because of his planning that we were able to afford our home, our lifestyle, and four children.

27. HE IS HONEST
I love this about him.  There have been times when going to the grocery store that someone has accidentally left something in their shopping cart after purchasing it, and even though it was something I knew he liked, he turned it back in to the customer service desk.  There were times when we were buying our own stuff at the cashiers desk when Scott mentions to the cashier that they forgot to charge us for something or that it didn't scan on the receipt and ask that we pay for it.  He does things like this all the time, because according to him, loosing his soul isn't worth a few stupid dollars.

28. HE GIVES WONDERFUL GIFTS
Scott is really thoughtful.  He has often surprised me over the years with things I've wanted but haven't tried to get for myself or attempted to ask for.  Sometimes the surprise is a short getaway for the day, or concert tickets, or a surprise stop at my favorite restaurant  or actual gifts from shoes, hair products, and trips to the spa.  He loves surprising me, and he always does it when I don't expect it.

29. HE GIVES PERFECT HUGS.
His hugs are the BEST.  Even when we were just friends I remember slow dancing with him at a dance and noticing how nice his broad shoulders were.  He has nice shoulders to put arms around.  Also, he smells good, and he feels good.  Always a good thing.  There have been times when I reeeally needed a hug, even though I didn't know it, and he has provided me with a perfect hug at just the right moment from time to time.

30. HE IS LOYAL
I've never had to worry about Scott looking at other girls.  He has the kind of mind frame/dicipline that he won't allow those thoughts to even enter his mind.  If a pretty girl walks by, he looks away.  I've never seen anything like it.  My whole singe life, I had accepted that guys were guys, and that even though they love one girl, they still notice other ones out of habit.  Scott never seems to.  I'm sure some of you won't believe me on this one, but it's 100% true.  I had no idea that guys like that existed until I met Scott.

31. HE IS A TALENTED WHISTLER
Not the most incredible thing to end on, but it's true.  Scott has a good, loud strong whistle, and it's got a specific tone to it that we as his family all depend on.  We have a system that whenever I loose him at the store, he knows to do the whistle because I recognize it's his and know he's trying to find me.  It also works on our kids.  His whistle is loud enough that he can hail any taxi anywhere we are.  He also whistles radio tunes, which gets songs stuck in our heads all the time, but it's nice to hear his cheerful whistle in the house during the day when he's home, because he also whistles when he's happy.


So those are 31 things me and the kids love about him.  In a couple of days I'll finally have time to post his birthday stuff up on here, but we had a great weekend with family and each other.  It was nice to have him home for his birthday.

Lifey as a wifey...and mom...and fat pregnant lady.

So not a whole lot of people knew I was pregnant aside from family.  I announced it on my blog around 4 and a half months, and then I announced it on Facebook at 5 months.  (Mostly because, even though I enjoy facebook, it's more of an amusing playtool for me, than an actual way to express my life.  I leave the life stuff to the blog.  I figure the people who really care go to the blog, and the people who are bored, go to facebook.)
It always seems like as soon as everyone else knows I'm pregnant, time starts to get much much slower.  Mostly because I just want to fast forward until I can hold this little guy and figure out a routine. Also it feels like now that people know, I get a lot of questions about how it's going, and really nothing new is happening except that I'm getting fatter and the usual aches and pains and gripes that aren't really interesting news to anyone, especially me. I wish I had something cool to tell people like, "Oh yes the baby grew three inches in my belly today and then danced the polka,"  but honestly, I have no clue.  He moves every day, his hearing must be intact because whenever it's loud or I raise my voice he moves. My biggest weapons against what I call the "pre-baby blues" is exercise, eating fresh food, and lots of sleep.  I read an article that mentioned that 70% of women experience symptoms of postpartum depression before the baby is born.  Which is understandable, but I refuse to let it happen to me.  I had weird symptoms when I was pregnant with all my babies.  With Crystal I got extremely paranoid.  I had nightmares, I worried all day, I couldn't stop cleaning..I got up at 3 in the morning just to clean sometimes, it was psycho.  Scott forbid me from watching the news back then because I would have nightmares every night about all the bad stories in the news. I had some kind of anxiety for sure.  With Seth I got sad, a lot.  I knew it was hormones, but I got sad a lot and so it made the pregnancy harder. I felt hopeless way too often, and it made me irritable and emotional.   With Jake, it was stress.  Turned out working 20 hours a week on my feet, moving houses, chasing two kids around the house, hosting thanksgiving and Christmas at my house were all stressful. It took me months to feel less stress and for my hormones to figure things out.  So this time around I'm doing my best to have a good pregnancy.  I'm trying not to eat too much junk food, (I admit I cheat though). I'm making time to exercise, which improves my mood more than you can possibly imagine, I'm getting fresh air every day and making sure I get enough sleep.  I don't try to clean/disinfect the entire house all day, I let SOME rooms stay messy so I can play with my kids, and I take time for myself every day, even if I have to be strategic on how I find that time.  I'm learning to say no to situations that are or will be too hard, but keeping myself busy at the same time.   I'm also mapping out a plan for when after the baby is born, so that I'm not overwhelmed, or stressed, or taking on more than I can handle.  It may take some sacrificing  and missing out on fun activities and/or vacations, but it will make me a better Mom, wife, and person, so I'm willing to do that.  I'm figuring out that just because I CAN do things, doesn't necessarily mean I SHOULD when it comes to my overall well being.
It doesn't help much that it's tax season, and so I see Scott for only a couple of hours a day until we go to bed. I miss him.  This time of year is frustrating because I miss not having him around, and when he hugs me goodbye in the morning I tell him I miss him and he will say something like, "one more month left." Then at the end of tax season, I get used to not having him around and then we have to adjust to being around each other all over again.  In the meantime I do my prenatal exercises, I make sure and clean at least the most important rooms in the house if nothing else.  Different rooms get rotated depending priority. I help the kids with their homework, (It's amazing how much homework a seven year old can have...that and Seth has speech therapy, and I home-preschool him), I change diapers, give baths, read my scriptures, play on the internet, and pick up a book and read.  Sounds boring, but I've learned that when I'm pregnant, routine helps.  I make a list of 10 things I need to accomplish every day and it motivates me, because something about crossing things off of a list turns me on.  Depending on the kind of day I'm having, the list can get very very basic, but at least I can say I accomplished 10 things every day.  I'm finding the balance between staying active and motivated and biting off more than I can chew.  So there is my life lately.  Not very romantic or exciting, but necessary, and life is about doing what's necessary so that you can enjoy it more when the good times come.

Some fun stuff is that Crystal is taking dance classes!  Her class covers the basics of classical ballet with a hint of the barre. They also touch on modern dance. She absolutely loves it, and she's so cute in her little dance outfit!  She will already have her first recital in May, and I'm just as excited as she is!

Amazingly, there is a girl who is actually shorter than she is!  Haha!  I had to take this picture through the glass window because they only let students in the actual dance room, but you can sit on benches directly outside of the room that have glass windows so you can see what they're doing in there.

I'm glad Crystal is involved in something she can enjoy.  She hates sports, and had no interest in gymnastics, but she did say she would try dance, and I'm happy to say she really likes it so far.  She also wants to take piano and singing, which I'm trying to find a good teacher for in the area that doesn't charge an arm and a leg.

Seth is back playing Sports.  Right now, he's signed up for 'Itty Bitty Ball', which is basically a class that covers some basic skills in baseball, volleyball, football, soccer, and basketball.  It's from the same people he took football from back in October, and he actually winded up with the same coach, who requested him when she saw his name because she loves him.  Which of course makes me happy.  I love it when I'm not the only one who adores my kids.

Most of the pictures are pretty similar to the football video I posted back in October, but here he is on baseball day:

They hung balls from ropes on the ceilings and had the kids practice hitting them in the air

Here he is after he just hit the ball in the T-ball area

So far he really likes it.  I didn't get any pictures of Volleyball because Jacob was being really clingy that day and wouldn't let me take any pictures, but the kids had one of those huge beach balls that they would hit over the net at each other to practice hitting over the net.  He loved it.  The only thing he really hates is soccer.  He can't stand it.  He keeps trying to pick up the ball and run it like a football, and the idea of not being able to grab the ball is ridiculous to him.  He told me that "soccer is the worst sport ever, and it's stupid" after his first day at soccer.  I just laughed and told him that his daddy would probably agree so it's okay.

Jake is growing up so fast, and is so so smart.  He walks around the house like a champ these days, and his three favorite words to say to people are, "No", "Food," and "Car."  He is bossy and demanding, so naturally the word "No" is one of his favorites, and he shakes his finger at you.  He is also an eater.  He loves to eat and is always asking for "Bwoo" which is food.  Also, he really really loves cars.  He points at them whenever we're out of the house, he is obsessed with toy cars, and he makes me put on Disney's Cars movie for him every single day by pointing to the TV and demanding to watch "Caw" .  He also makes the "vroom" sound when he plays with cars.  He loves to play with his older siblings.  He absolutely worships Crystal, he treats her like another mom.  She is so great with him too, she helps me with him all day, and cuddles him, holds him on her lap, and helps him.  He see's Seth as more of an equal.  He loves playing with Seth, but hates it when Seth tells him what to do, or takes things away from him.  He treats Crystal as more of an adult, but not so much Seth.  Sometimes Crystal and Seth get all worked up and start playing hyper, and even though Jakey has no clue about what the game is about, he's content to chase after them and giggle and laugh along with them.  It's great.  His two favorite things in the world are his binkie and his blanket.  Crystal was also (and is still) attached to her blankie, so Jacob having a favorite blanket is nothing new to me, but I've never had a kid who has been attached to the pacifier before.  I'm just going to pretend I won't have to wean him off it at some point for right now because it makes a fabulous "mute button".


All three of the kids miss their dad this time of year.  Crystal told me yesterday that she hates tax season "because daddy is always gone" it made me kind of sad.  Seth doesn't make comments, but on days when Scott is here he is happier and keeps telling his dad how much he loves him.  Jake misses Scott like crazy.  Out of all three of my kids, Jake seems to have bonded with his daddy the earliest.  The other two, though they loved their daddy, as infants they still clung to me because I was the mom, and only mommy could fix every thing.  Not for Jacob.  He is crazy about his dad and when Scott comes through the door he tackles his legs and demands to play.  Interestingly enough, Jake is also much better behaved with Scott than with me, which is why I make Scott hold him during church, because he whines a lot less when Scott is holding him.  Maybe I should feel jealous, but it's actually nice to have Scott take him from me some days, and I like seeing the bond between the two of them.  Plus Jake and I have a good relationship, he's just a big time daddy's boy.

Anyway, that's how we're doing for those wondering.  We keep busy around here...I sit and wait for both of my kids with Jake when they go to their lessons, which can be a lot of work loading the kids in and out of the car now that my belly is nice and big, but it's not so bad, and I get out of the house.  The double stroller has been a life saver in that aspect.  Life is busy and crazy here at home, but I actually really really like my life in spite of the chaos.  My kids make me laugh every day.  I miss Scott, but three months out of the year is a small price to pay because on the off season he only works 4 days a week and spends a lot more time with us.  This pregnancy has been surprisingly manageable.  Maybe because I just had one so I know what to expect, maybe because I expected it to be much harder since I already have three kids, maybe because the warm weather is creeping back and the warm weather makes me happier, I'm not sure, but I'm counting my blessings.

BOYS!!!! I LOVE BOYS!!!

Three future priesthood holders.  Three future missionaries.  Three future big strong men to help around the house when Scott and I are old and brittle.  Something inside me told me it was another boy, and I was right.  It feels good.  It feels really really good.  I love little boys.  My sister and I are 18 months apart, so she was practically a twin who was just in a grade younger than me.  Under her I had three brothers, all whom I bossed around, took care of, and rocked to sleep, and changed diapers for.  Those three brothers prepared me for my three son's one day.  I'm good with boys.  This is great news.
Scott has always had a fantasy of three sons one day.  His dream came true.  Seth couldn't be happier.  He would have taken a girl a lot harder than how Crystal took the news of a boy.  She was hoping for a girl, but I'd been telling her for a while now that I felt like he was a boy and she was okay with it.
I was always meant for this.  I knew I was going to have one daughter, and that she would be first.  I'd known it since I was 19.  I felt it with my soul, I felt it during hard times in my life, that my little girl was watching me and cheering me on.  I also knew that the rest were boys.  I always pictured a girl and two boys, but my wonderful bonus baby has joined our ranks, and we're excited to see him face to face in 20 weeks.

When I was preparing to be a missionary, a friend gave me this quote, from the man who was our living prophet at the time. It made me feel good, because deep inside, I felt like this pertained to me, and I feel like I was prepared all my life to have sons in my home.

"Many young women serve missions.  Many are preparing to serve, not because they aren't married or have nothing else to do, but because they have a desire to serve and therefore are being called to the work, the reason so many are going is because in the next generation, Heavenly Father will be sending his priesthood army to the earth.  He wants to send them to mothers who have been properly trained and taught in the gospel, and what better training can a woman have than that of serving a mission?"  -Gordon B. Hinkley

If any of you out there are reading this and thinking, "I have sons and didn't serve a mission" or " I have daughters, does that mean I'm not strong in the gospel?"  UM....I hope you're not seriously my friends and thinking that.  Every situation is different, but this particular quote was made for me.  NOTHING could have prepared me personally, with my strengths and weakness, (mostly the weaknesses) to be a better mom than serving a mission.  I would not have been mature, nor prepared enough to be a wife and mom without it.  If you knew my maturity level before my mission, you would agree with me.  I needed my mission.  My mission helped me figure out what I wanted out of life, something I wasn't too sure about before I served.  Some girls do just fine without those experiences and they are awesome.  I just wasn't one of them. It was because of my mission that I knew the specifics of what I wanted (and didn't want)  in a husband, it was because of my mission and the feelings I had learned to understand as a missionary, that I was able to recognize Scott as my future husband and not overlook him like I did so many times with nice good boys as a 19 year old.  (I didn't hang out with jerks...but I was just distracted.  I didn't know what I wanted out of my life yet.)  Heavenly Father knew what training I needed, what trials I had to go through, and what experiences I needed to have to be the best mom I can be, and my mission was part of that.

I'm also not saying that had I not served I wouldn't have had boys...I'm sure I would have...but my life experiences have helped me be more prepared for what was coming, and I asked for many of those experiences because I was always thinking of ways to prepare for my future family, even as a 12 year old little girl.  Ever since I was just a kid, and honestly I believe way before I was born, the thing I was most looking forward to in my life, was having my own family.  My very own little family with a loving husband and children to love and look after and be with for the rest of my life. My life...no my SOUL wish came true.    Being a wife and mom is the hardest work in the world, but also the happiest. I'm so thankful for my experiences as a missionary and how they helped me learn about hard work and sacrifice.  I'm so thankful that I'm part of the LDS church because the things it taught me, got me through the hardest times in my life, and helped me figure out how to be happy.  Not just satisfied, really really happy.  I'm also so thankful for a husband who loves kids as much as I do and has been supportive of my choice to have another baby.  I'm the happiest woman alive today.  

One more quote, a quote which I love with all my heart for all the mommies out there.

The noblest calling in the world is motherhood. True motherhood is the most beautiful of all arts, the greatest of all professions. She who can paint a masterpiece, or who can write a book that will influence millions, deserves the admiration and plaudits of mankind; but she who rears successfully a family of healthy, beautiful sons and daughters, whose immortal souls will exert an influence throughout the ages long after paintings shall have faded, and books and statues shall have decayed or have been destroyed, deserves the highest honor that man can give, and the choicest blessings of God.   - David O. Mckay

AW crap. I have so much to catch up on. AGAIN.

I know it's not very awesome of me, but I usually hate blogging after Christmas break because there is SOO much that happens during the month of December that it is a grueling task to give my experiences justice.  Also, I wasn't very good at taking pictures this month.  I have my excuses.  Perhaps I will share them by the time this gets posted at the end of my post for those loyal enough to actually read this.

8 YEARS OF MARRIAGE!!!!

6 days after Jakey's birthday, we had our anniversary. Ironically as excited as I was to make this accomplishment, it was also not the easiest because both of the boys were sick.  Seth had been fighting a fever/cold for a few days now, and it had just hit Jacob, who had a fever of 101 and ALSO had his immunizations the same day he came down with the fever, and ALSO has two new teeth coming in.  The poor kid was miserable.  So obviously, it was his duty to make sure everyone knew he was miserable since it was his only defense.  So our anniversary was extremely low key this year.  We cancelled our plans to go out, and Scott brought home taco bell,  (I'm a big fan of the crunch wrap supreme, even though I don't consider it Mexican food)  and we watched a comedy at home, while nursing our sick kids.  So the whole thing was not much on the surface, but luckily on the weekend the kids were feeling better and we were able to enjoy dinner at Red Lobster by ourselves, and at least have SOME alone time that week.

8 years may not seem like much to some people, but I consider it an accomplishment to be proud of, especially in this day and age when other options are so prevalent.   I'm thankful for a man who loves me even though I have a terrible attention span, a temper, and take too long to get ready to go out.  I'm thankful that in spite of whatever weaknesses he has, I am smart enough to know that his companionship is incredibly valuable, and that even though we are both imperfect, sometimes crazy people, we are in this together, and we find so much joy in our life and family.

Okay moving on...


CHRISTMAS BREAK

We celebrated Christmas Eve at my Grandmother's house.  Here are a few pics.  Sorry some of them are blurry.

Both Crystal and Seth played Mary and Joseph in the little family nativity they do every year.  They did a great job.

Here are a few more random pics of the same night:

After that we went home early because there were our own traditions at home we had to get to.  One being making a gingerbread house together on Christmas Eve Night.  We've done that for the past 4 years now and the kids love it.  This year we had it be a gingerbread train to mix things up a little.

The other tradition that we started last year is that right before bed, we all watch the movie 'A Christmas Story' together.  It's a great one to watch as a family because both parents and kids can relate to it and enjoy it.  Also, we make sure to re-assure the kids that "That's not the REAL Santa, and Ralphie was tricked" during the Santa Claus scene so that they won't be disturbed.

The kid in the movie actually reminds me A LOT of Seth, the blue eyes, the over enthusiastic smile, and the huge imagination are all just like my oldest son, true Seth has brown hair and Ralphie is blonde, but Seth was blonde for his first two years of life, so I still see him in there.

After the movie the kids went to bed an Santa came and did his job.

Note:  There are no ornaments on the bottom of the tree thanks to Jakey.

On Christmas morning Scott always blocks the hallway to the stairs so that the kids don't sneak down and peek at the presents without us being able to see their faces.  When they wake up, he runs downstairs, starts the Christmas music and the fireplace, and gets the camera on so that we can catch their faces every year when they see the loot.  In the meantime, they wait at the barrier of the hallway until they're allowed to come down.

Tired morning faces

Unfortunately, (or perhaps, for you fortunately) we end up making the mistake every Christmas of taking 95% video and only 5%  still photos, so here are a few still shots of our Christmas morning for you to enjoy. Sorry there aren't very many.

Those were all the "big finale" presents. Jacob got an age appropriate play table which made his day, Seth got a fancy remote control car that Scott plays with just as much as he does, and Crystal got a new bicycle, which she rides all over the house since there is snow outside, and it drives me crazy because I'm always almost getting run over by her.  Like I said, we didn't take many photos, mostly video, and I was sick that day so no pictures of me and my haggard face for you to enjoy.  Sorry.



CRYSTALS BIRTHDAY

My little girl is a seven year old.  I have to type that again.  My daughter is SEVEN.  Holy crap.  How did she get so big?  How did that baby fat melt away into a beautiful face with little twiggy arms and legs and such a mature attitude?   How????  How did THIS:

Become THIS:

THIS:

To THIS:

AHHHHH!!!!!  How did this happen????   She's growing up WAY too fast and it's KILLING me some times when I think of it.
I'm so thankful for this beautiful beautiful princess in my life.  My only daughter, and my friend.   She helps me with my boys all day long, she's an excellent student, she loves to help, and ASKS me if she can do the dishes sometimes, she keeps Jakey out of trouble so I can do sort of important things like shower, she writes me letters and cards telling me how much she loves me all the time, and she's a great little friend.  I love her so much.  She changed my life when she came into it, she's made me a better person, and showed me more love than I thought I was capable of feeling.  She is a taste of my own medicine sometimes, and also a great alibi when I need a girl on my side in my home.  I don't know what I would do without her.    I'm so amazed that she was chosen to come into our family seven years ago when we decided to have a child.  I'm so thankful that we listened to the spirit and decided to have her when we did, and that she's already blessed our lives more than Scott and I ever dreamed.

So that was December.  I'm sure I forgot something, but that's  the month in a nutshell.  I started this post in Januray, and now it's February, so I guess I should catch up on January as well, which leads me to some more info that I've been hiding from everyone for a while now.

Are you ready???

Okay.  So here is my moment to explain some things:

I always said I would have three kids, and that's it, and that's all.  Scott wanted 5, I wanted three, we thought maybe we would compromise and have four, but during the third pregnancy and the stress involved I decided it was a big NO for four.  There were a lot of factors contributing to that.  One being that my third child, though adorable and lovable and perfect, has also been my most difficult.  He has by far been my loudest, feistiest, jealous, most aggressive  fussy, and demanding child of all three, and he's only a year old.  I love him, he's absolutely hilarious, but by far he has required the most attention.  It didn't help that he had sensitive stomach issues as a newborn and Scott was working and gone for tax season for the first three months of his life.  I had to deal with the night feedings, and waking all night (which he was the worst at) all by myself.  It wasn't my favorite.  So there it was.  Done at three kids.  Right?

Well I happen to be a religious person.  People know that about me.  I pray a lot, and I pray about everything.  I was praying about, or as I like to put it, "discussing the issue" with my Heavenly Father, when a really really strong feeling came over me.  It confused me.  I wasn't sure at first what the feeling was saying.  I asked again if I was making the right decision.  Without getting too cheesy or freaking my non religious friends out, I felt really strongly that God loves me no matter what, and he was okay with my decision, but I also felt extremely strongly, that he had one more person in mind prepared to send to my family if I was willing, or brave enough to have one more child.  When I had that feeling I was shocked, and a little angry.  I wanted to be done.  I thought maybe it was just postpartum hormones messing with my brain and I ended my prayer and decided to address the issue when I was less tired and felt like I had a little more control.  My new son was only a couple of months old at the time and I was at the peak of my stress levels.

So a couple months later I addressed the issue again in prayer, this time asking sincerely if having another child was the best decision for my family, and for myself in spite of my constant stressed out state.  I've always had a fear of biting off more than I can chew when it comes to my kids.  It's always been very important to me to be able to be a good mom, giving each child the specific love and attention they need and still handle my home without jumping on the crazy train.  Again, I felt really strongly that there was one more person who wanted to come to earth in my family, and that my Heavenly Father wouldn't hold it against me if I wanted to stop at three, but if I was willing to, that there would be so many blessings waiting for me by taking this leap of faith.  I felt really strongly that like all my pregnancies, it would still be hard, and that at first there will be some stress and juggling of responsibilities  but that by far the blessings would be worth it, and not just worth it, but needed.  I felt like he was leaving it up to me to trust him one last time and go the extra mile from what I thought I was capable of handling, and that I would never regret it.  I felt the he had an enormous amount of trust and love for me, no matter what I decided, but that yes, there was someone specific he already had ready for my family if I chose to accept this calling of being a mother of 4.
So being who I am, I couldn't handle wondering "What if" for the rest of my life.  I didn't want to look back and regret not having that fourth baby, in spite of the craziness that was going on in my life.  I needed to close my eyes to the way society works for a minute and listen to what my heart told me, and so with that, I decided to take that leap of faith and make the decision that yes, I would be the mother of 4 kids in my life here on earth.  The problem was, when?  Something told me that there would never be an easy, and convenient time to take this leap of faith.  That's what would make it a leap of faith.  Also, I was 32 years old.  Once I become 35 chances for defects and miscarriages increase and my body would also suffer much more because when it comes to having babies, my body doesn't like it.  It tries to get revenge on me in every way possible, from cramps, aches and pains, to early contractions, headaches, bad backs, exhaustion, and basically everything that can break down, does.  Waiting too long might just break my body.  So what do I do?  Wait until I'm 35 which meant I'd have to get pregnant in about two years?  Ugh.  Waiting three years for my third was a shock to my system because my body forgot how much I hated pregnancy, I forgot the shock to the system of being in "baby mode" with a needy newborn, and I forgot how extreme the adjustment could be.  Did I really want to wait until I was almost back to normal again before I went through the shock of this all over again, or should I just get it over with???
Hmmmm.  I guess this brings me to my next topic:


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Well, I'm four and a half months pregnant.  Surprise.

I've already heard the heartbeat a couple of times, I've already felt little kicks, and I find out if I'm having a boy or girl at the end of the month.  So far it's been interesting.  The morning sickness, like always, has been there. So have the fatigue, headaches, mood swings (oh MAN the mood swings), shortness of breath, cramps, back pain  etc.  I knew it would be that way though, and since I did this a year ago, it's not like I'm dealing with things I forgot about, and didn't expect.  I figured if I was going to have one more, than I just wanted to get the pregnancy part over with and enjoy my family for the rest of my life.  I am 33 now and will be 33 and a half when this baby is born. (July) which is a good age for me, in my specific case, with my specific limitations, to be done with kids.  With a kid like Jake, who is hilariously jealous and demanding, I don't imagine that two little babies 19 months apart will be the easiest, but I believe that I was inspired to do this because somehow I am capable even if sometimes when all three are acting up I doubt myself. There are times, especially lately, that I'm actually surprisingly at peace and grateful because I truly feel complete now with this little onion sized person living inside me, and I already feel like he or she is connected to me and my family.  We are all here, and it feels great.  Sure there are days when I want to check myself into a mental institute, like when Crystal ties a cord around Seth's neck to play "dog" and nearly chokes him to death while I am in another room making a bottle for Jake.  Yeah, my freak out was not a pretty one that time.  I don't want to go into it, BUT there are days when for some reason beyond my understanding, like two weeks ago, my kids, EVEN the one year old were all quiet in church for a half an hour without a peep and it felt like the best moment in my life because I was in the right place with the right people, we were all there together, we were all connected, and we all loved each other.  It was perfect. I am going to have a lot of hard times, but a lot of those perfect times too.  It's going to be worth it, and I already love this new child even though I have no clue what gender they are yet, what they look like, if they're going to be calm or crazy, aggressive or passive, active or relaxed.  I already feel connected to this baby, and I feel complete, which is more satisfying that I thought it would be.   Even though this little peanut is not officially born yet, we are all here, in the same family.  All of us.  And it feels great.  I feel peace.  I feel joy.
   This hasn't been the most convenient time, like I said, but there have been many little blessings that have helped us along the way which we never saw coming. Somehow, someway, things are working out just when we need them to.  Which was also the case when I got pregnant with Crystal.   People thought we were nuts to have a kid so early into our marriage, but it felt right, so we did it, and things fell into place.  Heavenly Father made it possible, we were able to afford the things we needed to, and had everything we needed just when we needed it because she needed to be here.  I believe with all my heart it was because we took that leap of faith in having her, even though we were VERY poor newlyweds and Scott was still a student in school and working full time at a grunt job.  It would have been very easy, and even logical to decide to wait until we had a more stable income, home, and situation.  However, we had already prayed about it, and already received our answer.  I believe that because we acted on those feelings of inspiration in spite of the fact that some people thought it illogical, we were blessed, and everything worked out, even better than we thought...AND we had an amazing little girl come into our lives, making our lives unbelievably better.  I believe the same thing will happen, and is happening with this fourth little baby.   I've said many times that when someone chooses to have kids, and how many, is between them and the Lord, and whether they have one or 10 kids at different times in their lives is not my place to judge or decide because it's private and personal for every one. That's always been the case with me, it's my business, my life, and my relationship with God and my family, and if anyone doesn't like it, than they must have nothing better to think about, and in that case I feel sorry for them.

 SOO the other reason why I've decided to confess all of this now, is because in January, we went on a week long trip to Mexico, and I look fat in all the pictures and felt the need to explain why.  (I'm fatter with this baby than any of the others.  I look like I'm having twins.  I feel like I'm chubbier all over, not just my belly.  Again...Heavenly father warned me that this would NOT be easy, but that I would be glad in the end.  I keep that in mind whenever I look in the mirror and it seems to help.)  Anyway IF I decide to include myself in any of the Mexico pictures, they will be  the pictures that show minimum fatness on my part.

My grandparents on my Dad's side have an amazing time share, so Me, Scott, ALL the kids, yes all of us, my grandparents, and my parents all went to Mexico for a week at a nice classy resort on the beach and hung out together.  Since I was pregnant and tired a lot, it was very relaxing and just what I needed after three months of morning sickness, and with so much family around, we didn't have to stress out at all about the kids, where to eat, and what to do.  It was fantastic.

So here are some pictures of that.

Scott and I had this room ALL to ourselves!!!

Our balcony had a plunge pool to lay in after a long day!

Full view of same balcony, because it was HUGE and awesome

Outside of the ruins of Tulum.  These guys were doing a native dance in the plaza nearby.

At the ruins of Tulum.  (The same ruins we visited with Dan and Kelsey 3 years ago)

This place is called Xcaret.  Its filled with aquariums, animals, shows, and exibitions

At the butterfly pavilion there.  The kids would find a butterfly, then run to this guide and see if they could recognize which butterfly they saw and identify it.  They thought this was the best thing ever.

I think this one is cool cause you can see a butterfly flying in the middle of the picture.  If you look really closely there are a couple toward the top left too.  It was like being in a fairy land.  Too bad they don't show up as good on the camera as they did in real life.

This was the best part of Xcaret for us as a family.  There was an underground snorkling/ swimming river that we went through with the kids.  Crystal was a little nervous because there were so many caves, that and it took a little over an hour to go through it, but we all made it, and it was a great experience for the kids. 

My parents, who waited at the end of the river took some pictures of us coming in 

The view from our table at a restaurant in Xcaret

These were the BEST piña coladas I've ever had in my life!  

This food was amazing.  

Jake is finishing off our smoothie

Scott and the older two relaxing at one of the pools in Xcaret

There was a night show there where you see them play a real Aztec ball game where they use their hips to try and get the ball into a hoop attached to the sides of the courts.  Everyone was given a candle to light when the show opened. 

Seth was excited to be trusted enough to hold his own candle.

BACK AT THE HOTEL.... The beach there was extremely rocky.  Not ideal for wave surfing, but he kids LOVED it because there were tons of fish and hermit crabs and other sea things for them to catch and play with.  

There were at least 10 gigantic pools at the resort.  If you want a resort with awesome pools, this is the place to go.  Getting in the pools were Seth's favorite thing while there.

My parents paid for the kids to run around in a giant hamster ball that you could try there.  You could hear Seth laughing from inside the ball the whole time.

Crystal did an awesome job keeping upright.

The other thing we did, was go to the Coba ruins there in Mexico.  These are some of my favorite ruins ever.  We went three years ago with Dan and Kelsey and it was awesome.  Here are my two oldest with their grandma.

Instead of riding our own bikes, my parents paid for us to get driven around by these guys.  Much easier, and nice and shady weather in the otherwise hot weather.  It was awesome, and Crystal was surprisingly into looking at the ruins and learning the history of the people there.  These ruins are estimated to be built around the same time the Jaredites were in the Americas in the Book of Mormon.  These little guys riding the bikes were all native, and decedents of the Mayans  and knew a ton about the history, so talking to them was better than hiring our own tour guides.

Scott and I took turns carrying Jake around

Climbing the pyramid.  My dad, Scott, and Crystal are all climbing to the top in this picture.

Scott took this picture of my dad and Crystal at the top.  I'm so proud of her for making it all the way up there even though the height intimidated her a little.  

Everyone told me to stay at the bottom since I was "pregnant and couldn't do it."  Boo.  So when they came back down I handed the baby to my parents and went up there anyway without stopping to rest because I hate being told I "cant" do things.  Scott went up a second time with me, and took this picture to prove I was there.

The beach at Playa Del Carmen was a really pretty one.

This is when we were shopping in Playa Del Carmen   Crystal took a picture with some dudes pet monkey while we were there.  That black glob in her hair is the remnants of a sunflower seed that the monkey put there.  His hands are cupped because he's eating them.

Shopping at the markets in Playa Del Carmen

Seth was soooo excited that they had Mexican wrestling masks with superhero themes.  My parents bought him this Batman one that had a cape attached, which made him the happiest kid in the world.

This was the absolute SADDEST thing that happened during the whole trip.  Crystal was in desperate need of a bathroom, and while running to find one before she had an accident, she and Scott who were holding hands tripped on some steps.  Crystal hit her head on the corner of a stone step there.  We were so lucky that it wasn't worse than this, but this picture still makes me really sad.

5 minutes later with a band-aid and some neosporin from a nearby pharmacy, she was already feeling much better.  She was such a good sport.  I'm amazed at how brave this little girl can be.

So that was basically our trip told in pictures.  I feel bad for not posting more about them, and this is only a handful of them, but you get the idea.

Anyway, that was pretty much everything.  That and I turned 33 and went out to eat with my family a week after we got home to the COLD weather. I didn't take any pictures, sorry.  We kept it low key because I feel weird when people make a big deal about my birthday. We went to Outback Steakhouse, and it was fun to be with all my siblings there.

So now we are in February.   Hopefully I'll get back on here in time to let you know what we did for Valentines day.  If not, than I'll be on here in two weeks to let you know if our little precious new family member is a he or a she.  We have a name in mind if its a girl, but if it's a boy we're kind of screwed since Scott and I have the absolute worst time agreeing on boy names, but since I've gotten so big so fast it is most likely a boy, which I'm okay with.  I have my Crystal, and she's all I need, and even then, it's an adjustment for me to be sensitive to her emotions, the older she gets, the more emotional she gets, and it's going to get worse when she's a teenager.  She is wonderful, and also a taste of my own medicine.  I was not an easy teenager, so I'm scared.  With all this in mind, I'm thinking that just having one girl is good enough for me because I'm too weak and impatient with the emotions of other girls in the house.  As a matter of fact I'm not even patient with my own emotions.  Just ask Scott.   Poor Crystal is dying for a sister though.  She already told me, "Mom, if I have 3 brothers I'm going to go CRAZY."  Poor thing.  Seth of course, has already announced that he NEEDS two brothers, and will be furious if he has more than just one sister.  So we will see.  Someone will be disappointed.  I'm trying to prepare Crystal for the idea of another boy.  I think she will be okay if that's the case.  She's already wonderful with Jacob, and helps me so much with him.  I don't know what I would do without her help.  The poor thing has the same curse I did growing up... the curse of being an oldest child.  All the responsibility was thrown on us growing up and we always had to work harder than our siblings.  At least she knows I understand.  I'm really so thankful for all my children.  They make me want to be better every day.  It's because of them I stay up at night thinking of how I can do better, and it's because of them that I make goals to improve myself as a person and be a good influence on them.  It's because of them that I get things done.  I love them so much.  I'm so thankful that I married a man who loves children like I do, and that he is such an amazing father.