AW crap. I have so much to catch up on. AGAIN.

I know it's not very awesome of me, but I usually hate blogging after Christmas break because there is SOO much that happens during the month of December that it is a grueling task to give my experiences justice.  Also, I wasn't very good at taking pictures this month.  I have my excuses.  Perhaps I will share them by the time this gets posted at the end of my post for those loyal enough to actually read this.

8 YEARS OF MARRIAGE!!!!

6 days after Jakey's birthday, we had our anniversary. Ironically as excited as I was to make this accomplishment, it was also not the easiest because both of the boys were sick.  Seth had been fighting a fever/cold for a few days now, and it had just hit Jacob, who had a fever of 101 and ALSO had his immunizations the same day he came down with the fever, and ALSO has two new teeth coming in.  The poor kid was miserable.  So obviously, it was his duty to make sure everyone knew he was miserable since it was his only defense.  So our anniversary was extremely low key this year.  We cancelled our plans to go out, and Scott brought home taco bell,  (I'm a big fan of the crunch wrap supreme, even though I don't consider it Mexican food)  and we watched a comedy at home, while nursing our sick kids.  So the whole thing was not much on the surface, but luckily on the weekend the kids were feeling better and we were able to enjoy dinner at Red Lobster by ourselves, and at least have SOME alone time that week.

8 years may not seem like much to some people, but I consider it an accomplishment to be proud of, especially in this day and age when other options are so prevalent.   I'm thankful for a man who loves me even though I have a terrible attention span, a temper, and take too long to get ready to go out.  I'm thankful that in spite of whatever weaknesses he has, I am smart enough to know that his companionship is incredibly valuable, and that even though we are both imperfect, sometimes crazy people, we are in this together, and we find so much joy in our life and family.

Okay moving on...


CHRISTMAS BREAK

We celebrated Christmas Eve at my Grandmother's house.  Here are a few pics.  Sorry some of them are blurry.

Both Crystal and Seth played Mary and Joseph in the little family nativity they do every year.  They did a great job.

Here are a few more random pics of the same night:

After that we went home early because there were our own traditions at home we had to get to.  One being making a gingerbread house together on Christmas Eve Night.  We've done that for the past 4 years now and the kids love it.  This year we had it be a gingerbread train to mix things up a little.

The other tradition that we started last year is that right before bed, we all watch the movie 'A Christmas Story' together.  It's a great one to watch as a family because both parents and kids can relate to it and enjoy it.  Also, we make sure to re-assure the kids that "That's not the REAL Santa, and Ralphie was tricked" during the Santa Claus scene so that they won't be disturbed.

The kid in the movie actually reminds me A LOT of Seth, the blue eyes, the over enthusiastic smile, and the huge imagination are all just like my oldest son, true Seth has brown hair and Ralphie is blonde, but Seth was blonde for his first two years of life, so I still see him in there.

After the movie the kids went to bed an Santa came and did his job.

Note:  There are no ornaments on the bottom of the tree thanks to Jakey.

On Christmas morning Scott always blocks the hallway to the stairs so that the kids don't sneak down and peek at the presents without us being able to see their faces.  When they wake up, he runs downstairs, starts the Christmas music and the fireplace, and gets the camera on so that we can catch their faces every year when they see the loot.  In the meantime, they wait at the barrier of the hallway until they're allowed to come down.

Tired morning faces

Unfortunately, (or perhaps, for you fortunately) we end up making the mistake every Christmas of taking 95% video and only 5%  still photos, so here are a few still shots of our Christmas morning for you to enjoy. Sorry there aren't very many.

Those were all the "big finale" presents. Jacob got an age appropriate play table which made his day, Seth got a fancy remote control car that Scott plays with just as much as he does, and Crystal got a new bicycle, which she rides all over the house since there is snow outside, and it drives me crazy because I'm always almost getting run over by her.  Like I said, we didn't take many photos, mostly video, and I was sick that day so no pictures of me and my haggard face for you to enjoy.  Sorry.



CRYSTALS BIRTHDAY

My little girl is a seven year old.  I have to type that again.  My daughter is SEVEN.  Holy crap.  How did she get so big?  How did that baby fat melt away into a beautiful face with little twiggy arms and legs and such a mature attitude?   How????  How did THIS:

Become THIS:

THIS:

To THIS:

AHHHHH!!!!!  How did this happen????   She's growing up WAY too fast and it's KILLING me some times when I think of it.
I'm so thankful for this beautiful beautiful princess in my life.  My only daughter, and my friend.   She helps me with my boys all day long, she's an excellent student, she loves to help, and ASKS me if she can do the dishes sometimes, she keeps Jakey out of trouble so I can do sort of important things like shower, she writes me letters and cards telling me how much she loves me all the time, and she's a great little friend.  I love her so much.  She changed my life when she came into it, she's made me a better person, and showed me more love than I thought I was capable of feeling.  She is a taste of my own medicine sometimes, and also a great alibi when I need a girl on my side in my home.  I don't know what I would do without her.    I'm so amazed that she was chosen to come into our family seven years ago when we decided to have a child.  I'm so thankful that we listened to the spirit and decided to have her when we did, and that she's already blessed our lives more than Scott and I ever dreamed.

So that was December.  I'm sure I forgot something, but that's  the month in a nutshell.  I started this post in Januray, and now it's February, so I guess I should catch up on January as well, which leads me to some more info that I've been hiding from everyone for a while now.

Are you ready???

Okay.  So here is my moment to explain some things:

I always said I would have three kids, and that's it, and that's all.  Scott wanted 5, I wanted three, we thought maybe we would compromise and have four, but during the third pregnancy and the stress involved I decided it was a big NO for four.  There were a lot of factors contributing to that.  One being that my third child, though adorable and lovable and perfect, has also been my most difficult.  He has by far been my loudest, feistiest, jealous, most aggressive  fussy, and demanding child of all three, and he's only a year old.  I love him, he's absolutely hilarious, but by far he has required the most attention.  It didn't help that he had sensitive stomach issues as a newborn and Scott was working and gone for tax season for the first three months of his life.  I had to deal with the night feedings, and waking all night (which he was the worst at) all by myself.  It wasn't my favorite.  So there it was.  Done at three kids.  Right?

Well I happen to be a religious person.  People know that about me.  I pray a lot, and I pray about everything.  I was praying about, or as I like to put it, "discussing the issue" with my Heavenly Father, when a really really strong feeling came over me.  It confused me.  I wasn't sure at first what the feeling was saying.  I asked again if I was making the right decision.  Without getting too cheesy or freaking my non religious friends out, I felt really strongly that God loves me no matter what, and he was okay with my decision, but I also felt extremely strongly, that he had one more person in mind prepared to send to my family if I was willing, or brave enough to have one more child.  When I had that feeling I was shocked, and a little angry.  I wanted to be done.  I thought maybe it was just postpartum hormones messing with my brain and I ended my prayer and decided to address the issue when I was less tired and felt like I had a little more control.  My new son was only a couple of months old at the time and I was at the peak of my stress levels.

So a couple months later I addressed the issue again in prayer, this time asking sincerely if having another child was the best decision for my family, and for myself in spite of my constant stressed out state.  I've always had a fear of biting off more than I can chew when it comes to my kids.  It's always been very important to me to be able to be a good mom, giving each child the specific love and attention they need and still handle my home without jumping on the crazy train.  Again, I felt really strongly that there was one more person who wanted to come to earth in my family, and that my Heavenly Father wouldn't hold it against me if I wanted to stop at three, but if I was willing to, that there would be so many blessings waiting for me by taking this leap of faith.  I felt really strongly that like all my pregnancies, it would still be hard, and that at first there will be some stress and juggling of responsibilities  but that by far the blessings would be worth it, and not just worth it, but needed.  I felt like he was leaving it up to me to trust him one last time and go the extra mile from what I thought I was capable of handling, and that I would never regret it.  I felt the he had an enormous amount of trust and love for me, no matter what I decided, but that yes, there was someone specific he already had ready for my family if I chose to accept this calling of being a mother of 4.
So being who I am, I couldn't handle wondering "What if" for the rest of my life.  I didn't want to look back and regret not having that fourth baby, in spite of the craziness that was going on in my life.  I needed to close my eyes to the way society works for a minute and listen to what my heart told me, and so with that, I decided to take that leap of faith and make the decision that yes, I would be the mother of 4 kids in my life here on earth.  The problem was, when?  Something told me that there would never be an easy, and convenient time to take this leap of faith.  That's what would make it a leap of faith.  Also, I was 32 years old.  Once I become 35 chances for defects and miscarriages increase and my body would also suffer much more because when it comes to having babies, my body doesn't like it.  It tries to get revenge on me in every way possible, from cramps, aches and pains, to early contractions, headaches, bad backs, exhaustion, and basically everything that can break down, does.  Waiting too long might just break my body.  So what do I do?  Wait until I'm 35 which meant I'd have to get pregnant in about two years?  Ugh.  Waiting three years for my third was a shock to my system because my body forgot how much I hated pregnancy, I forgot the shock to the system of being in "baby mode" with a needy newborn, and I forgot how extreme the adjustment could be.  Did I really want to wait until I was almost back to normal again before I went through the shock of this all over again, or should I just get it over with???
Hmmmm.  I guess this brings me to my next topic:


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Well, I'm four and a half months pregnant.  Surprise.

I've already heard the heartbeat a couple of times, I've already felt little kicks, and I find out if I'm having a boy or girl at the end of the month.  So far it's been interesting.  The morning sickness, like always, has been there. So have the fatigue, headaches, mood swings (oh MAN the mood swings), shortness of breath, cramps, back pain  etc.  I knew it would be that way though, and since I did this a year ago, it's not like I'm dealing with things I forgot about, and didn't expect.  I figured if I was going to have one more, than I just wanted to get the pregnancy part over with and enjoy my family for the rest of my life.  I am 33 now and will be 33 and a half when this baby is born. (July) which is a good age for me, in my specific case, with my specific limitations, to be done with kids.  With a kid like Jake, who is hilariously jealous and demanding, I don't imagine that two little babies 19 months apart will be the easiest, but I believe that I was inspired to do this because somehow I am capable even if sometimes when all three are acting up I doubt myself. There are times, especially lately, that I'm actually surprisingly at peace and grateful because I truly feel complete now with this little onion sized person living inside me, and I already feel like he or she is connected to me and my family.  We are all here, and it feels great.  Sure there are days when I want to check myself into a mental institute, like when Crystal ties a cord around Seth's neck to play "dog" and nearly chokes him to death while I am in another room making a bottle for Jake.  Yeah, my freak out was not a pretty one that time.  I don't want to go into it, BUT there are days when for some reason beyond my understanding, like two weeks ago, my kids, EVEN the one year old were all quiet in church for a half an hour without a peep and it felt like the best moment in my life because I was in the right place with the right people, we were all there together, we were all connected, and we all loved each other.  It was perfect. I am going to have a lot of hard times, but a lot of those perfect times too.  It's going to be worth it, and I already love this new child even though I have no clue what gender they are yet, what they look like, if they're going to be calm or crazy, aggressive or passive, active or relaxed.  I already feel connected to this baby, and I feel complete, which is more satisfying that I thought it would be.   Even though this little peanut is not officially born yet, we are all here, in the same family.  All of us.  And it feels great.  I feel peace.  I feel joy.
   This hasn't been the most convenient time, like I said, but there have been many little blessings that have helped us along the way which we never saw coming. Somehow, someway, things are working out just when we need them to.  Which was also the case when I got pregnant with Crystal.   People thought we were nuts to have a kid so early into our marriage, but it felt right, so we did it, and things fell into place.  Heavenly Father made it possible, we were able to afford the things we needed to, and had everything we needed just when we needed it because she needed to be here.  I believe with all my heart it was because we took that leap of faith in having her, even though we were VERY poor newlyweds and Scott was still a student in school and working full time at a grunt job.  It would have been very easy, and even logical to decide to wait until we had a more stable income, home, and situation.  However, we had already prayed about it, and already received our answer.  I believe that because we acted on those feelings of inspiration in spite of the fact that some people thought it illogical, we were blessed, and everything worked out, even better than we thought...AND we had an amazing little girl come into our lives, making our lives unbelievably better.  I believe the same thing will happen, and is happening with this fourth little baby.   I've said many times that when someone chooses to have kids, and how many, is between them and the Lord, and whether they have one or 10 kids at different times in their lives is not my place to judge or decide because it's private and personal for every one. That's always been the case with me, it's my business, my life, and my relationship with God and my family, and if anyone doesn't like it, than they must have nothing better to think about, and in that case I feel sorry for them.

 SOO the other reason why I've decided to confess all of this now, is because in January, we went on a week long trip to Mexico, and I look fat in all the pictures and felt the need to explain why.  (I'm fatter with this baby than any of the others.  I look like I'm having twins.  I feel like I'm chubbier all over, not just my belly.  Again...Heavenly father warned me that this would NOT be easy, but that I would be glad in the end.  I keep that in mind whenever I look in the mirror and it seems to help.)  Anyway IF I decide to include myself in any of the Mexico pictures, they will be  the pictures that show minimum fatness on my part.

My grandparents on my Dad's side have an amazing time share, so Me, Scott, ALL the kids, yes all of us, my grandparents, and my parents all went to Mexico for a week at a nice classy resort on the beach and hung out together.  Since I was pregnant and tired a lot, it was very relaxing and just what I needed after three months of morning sickness, and with so much family around, we didn't have to stress out at all about the kids, where to eat, and what to do.  It was fantastic.

So here are some pictures of that.

Scott and I had this room ALL to ourselves!!!

Our balcony had a plunge pool to lay in after a long day!

Full view of same balcony, because it was HUGE and awesome

Outside of the ruins of Tulum.  These guys were doing a native dance in the plaza nearby.

At the ruins of Tulum.  (The same ruins we visited with Dan and Kelsey 3 years ago)

This place is called Xcaret.  Its filled with aquariums, animals, shows, and exibitions

At the butterfly pavilion there.  The kids would find a butterfly, then run to this guide and see if they could recognize which butterfly they saw and identify it.  They thought this was the best thing ever.

I think this one is cool cause you can see a butterfly flying in the middle of the picture.  If you look really closely there are a couple toward the top left too.  It was like being in a fairy land.  Too bad they don't show up as good on the camera as they did in real life.

This was the best part of Xcaret for us as a family.  There was an underground snorkling/ swimming river that we went through with the kids.  Crystal was a little nervous because there were so many caves, that and it took a little over an hour to go through it, but we all made it, and it was a great experience for the kids. 

My parents, who waited at the end of the river took some pictures of us coming in 

The view from our table at a restaurant in Xcaret

These were the BEST piña coladas I've ever had in my life!  

This food was amazing.  

Jake is finishing off our smoothie

Scott and the older two relaxing at one of the pools in Xcaret

There was a night show there where you see them play a real Aztec ball game where they use their hips to try and get the ball into a hoop attached to the sides of the courts.  Everyone was given a candle to light when the show opened. 

Seth was excited to be trusted enough to hold his own candle.

BACK AT THE HOTEL.... The beach there was extremely rocky.  Not ideal for wave surfing, but he kids LOVED it because there were tons of fish and hermit crabs and other sea things for them to catch and play with.  

There were at least 10 gigantic pools at the resort.  If you want a resort with awesome pools, this is the place to go.  Getting in the pools were Seth's favorite thing while there.

My parents paid for the kids to run around in a giant hamster ball that you could try there.  You could hear Seth laughing from inside the ball the whole time.

Crystal did an awesome job keeping upright.

The other thing we did, was go to the Coba ruins there in Mexico.  These are some of my favorite ruins ever.  We went three years ago with Dan and Kelsey and it was awesome.  Here are my two oldest with their grandma.

Instead of riding our own bikes, my parents paid for us to get driven around by these guys.  Much easier, and nice and shady weather in the otherwise hot weather.  It was awesome, and Crystal was surprisingly into looking at the ruins and learning the history of the people there.  These ruins are estimated to be built around the same time the Jaredites were in the Americas in the Book of Mormon.  These little guys riding the bikes were all native, and decedents of the Mayans  and knew a ton about the history, so talking to them was better than hiring our own tour guides.

Scott and I took turns carrying Jake around

Climbing the pyramid.  My dad, Scott, and Crystal are all climbing to the top in this picture.

Scott took this picture of my dad and Crystal at the top.  I'm so proud of her for making it all the way up there even though the height intimidated her a little.  

Everyone told me to stay at the bottom since I was "pregnant and couldn't do it."  Boo.  So when they came back down I handed the baby to my parents and went up there anyway without stopping to rest because I hate being told I "cant" do things.  Scott went up a second time with me, and took this picture to prove I was there.

The beach at Playa Del Carmen was a really pretty one.

This is when we were shopping in Playa Del Carmen   Crystal took a picture with some dudes pet monkey while we were there.  That black glob in her hair is the remnants of a sunflower seed that the monkey put there.  His hands are cupped because he's eating them.

Shopping at the markets in Playa Del Carmen

Seth was soooo excited that they had Mexican wrestling masks with superhero themes.  My parents bought him this Batman one that had a cape attached, which made him the happiest kid in the world.

This was the absolute SADDEST thing that happened during the whole trip.  Crystal was in desperate need of a bathroom, and while running to find one before she had an accident, she and Scott who were holding hands tripped on some steps.  Crystal hit her head on the corner of a stone step there.  We were so lucky that it wasn't worse than this, but this picture still makes me really sad.

5 minutes later with a band-aid and some neosporin from a nearby pharmacy, she was already feeling much better.  She was such a good sport.  I'm amazed at how brave this little girl can be.

So that was basically our trip told in pictures.  I feel bad for not posting more about them, and this is only a handful of them, but you get the idea.

Anyway, that was pretty much everything.  That and I turned 33 and went out to eat with my family a week after we got home to the COLD weather. I didn't take any pictures, sorry.  We kept it low key because I feel weird when people make a big deal about my birthday. We went to Outback Steakhouse, and it was fun to be with all my siblings there.

So now we are in February.   Hopefully I'll get back on here in time to let you know what we did for Valentines day.  If not, than I'll be on here in two weeks to let you know if our little precious new family member is a he or a she.  We have a name in mind if its a girl, but if it's a boy we're kind of screwed since Scott and I have the absolute worst time agreeing on boy names, but since I've gotten so big so fast it is most likely a boy, which I'm okay with.  I have my Crystal, and she's all I need, and even then, it's an adjustment for me to be sensitive to her emotions, the older she gets, the more emotional she gets, and it's going to get worse when she's a teenager.  She is wonderful, and also a taste of my own medicine.  I was not an easy teenager, so I'm scared.  With all this in mind, I'm thinking that just having one girl is good enough for me because I'm too weak and impatient with the emotions of other girls in the house.  As a matter of fact I'm not even patient with my own emotions.  Just ask Scott.   Poor Crystal is dying for a sister though.  She already told me, "Mom, if I have 3 brothers I'm going to go CRAZY."  Poor thing.  Seth of course, has already announced that he NEEDS two brothers, and will be furious if he has more than just one sister.  So we will see.  Someone will be disappointed.  I'm trying to prepare Crystal for the idea of another boy.  I think she will be okay if that's the case.  She's already wonderful with Jacob, and helps me so much with him.  I don't know what I would do without her help.  The poor thing has the same curse I did growing up... the curse of being an oldest child.  All the responsibility was thrown on us growing up and we always had to work harder than our siblings.  At least she knows I understand.  I'm really so thankful for all my children.  They make me want to be better every day.  It's because of them I stay up at night thinking of how I can do better, and it's because of them that I make goals to improve myself as a person and be a good influence on them.  It's because of them that I get things done.  I love them so much.  I'm so thankful that I married a man who loves children like I do, and that he is such an amazing father.