Adjustments and transitions

This is a true story.  I was up in bed nursing in the wee hours of the night, and I had an epiphany.  I felt like I had so many things to share, and that I simply HAD to blog about them and share my thoughts with the blogosphere.  Then I woke up in the morning and couldn't for the life of all that was and has ever been holy figure out what the crap I wanted to blog about, what the amazing thoughts were, or if they even made sense anyway because I hadn't  had much sleep.  So whatever brilliant thing I had to share with you guys, it's all gone and lost in whatever corner of my brain thought it up because I didn't write it down.  Sorry.  I will however give you some life updates.  First of all, I feel the need to explain to people why they haven't seen me in three weeks. You know besides the fact that I JUST HAD A BABY because some of you still expect to be seeing me around like it's no big deal or something. Some of you have stopped by the house, so I guess I saw you then, but only if I trusted you enough to not judge me in my heinous post baby horror movie-esque state, but other than that I've been MIA.  Scott had to practically force me in the car to go through the drive thru at Popeye's chicken just so I could come out of my crypt for a little bit.

Something happens to me when I have a baby.  I turn into a hermit.  There are lots of reasons for that.  Shall I list them?
1. For the first two to three weeks I require a 5 minute ritual just to be able to go to the bathroom properly.   Those who've given birth before know what I'm talking about.  Witch hazel, giant thunder pads, a "water bottle", sometimes an antiseptic spray, etc etc.  and that's just going number ONE.  I won't even go into the trauma of unleashing the chocolate terrorist, which is the thing of nightmares.
2. There are of course, the emotional changes too.  Sooo many emotions, ups, downs, and confusing hormone adjustments.  I happen to be one of the 70% of women who have mood swings for the first two weeks postpartum.  Since I'm  3 weeks postpartum today, I can see a light at the end of the tunnel.  Hormones usually start to taper off a bit by now.  Yes, sadly, you'd think that after the baby is out I wouldn't cry watching the first 10 minutes of the Disney movie 'Up' when the wife passes away and Mr. Fredrickson is left all alone in the funeral home with a balloon looking at the ground,  or seeing the rose on Christine's grave at the end of  the "Phantom of the Opera" movie because seriously, he never stopped loving her over the years you guys, plus the music is just so powerful geez.
3. I hate coping with my physical limitations.  I get tired after walking around for a little bit and not even doing anything. Seriously, I sleep, I nurse, I change three thousand diapers (two kids in diapers), I sit on the couch, and go to the bathroom.  Sometimes I clean a little.   Also my back still hurts when I bend over, but that's the least of my problems of things that hurt right now.  (See above paragraph of bathroom problems.)  Also I'm sore all over.  I don't remember being so sore after childbirth with my last three kids.  I'm convinced this is my body telling me that it's done.  Sometimes you  just know when your body has had enough.  I'm pretty sure I've reached that point.  Hence why this is most likely my last baby.  People say never say never, but when your body threatens to kill you if you try this again, it's a good enough sign for me, and my body hasn't been nearly as cooperative as it's been in the past.
4. I am currently not suitable for the public eye.  No really.  Makeup is too much work. I try and shower when I can, but it's usually a quick ninja shower because kids.  I wear gym shorts and T-shirts all day, and whenever I see myself in a reflective surface I throw up a little in my mouth.  I know I know I should be nicer to myself and women need to stop self image bashing, but I'm only  human. It's not really self hate, more like when I  look at the image of me, it just doesn't make sense to my brain.  My mind does not compute.  Much like looking at a picture of a UPS truck having nearly fallen into a ditch while some kid in a tuxedo shows you his sewing machine.

This is how I feel about my postpartum image when I look in the mirror.  "What the?"  "Why?" "How?" "Where did THAT come from?"  "But...how did"  "No wait..."  

5. I'm just too dang tired to give a crap.  You know how it goes, up feeding a baby all night, then changing them, then going to the bathroom for 20 minutes, then trying to sleep but my hip hurts for some inexplicable reason, then up early with baby at the crack of dawn, then other kids are awake, so I have to stay awake too so that they don't stab each other in the eyeball with colored pencils or try to throw a cinder block in the toilet. You know, the usual stuff that you deal with when you have more than one kid and you just gave birth.

So those are just the five reasons off the top of my head, but I'm sure there's more.

I feel like I need to say this to people right now.

On to other I guess, more important and serious news.

Some of you have known for a couple of weeks now, and to those who didn't I made one of those lame "Facebook announcement" things yesterday, but we are moving, and we're moving across the country.  We're spending this whole next year with Scott's side of the family in Philly.
I'm not sure where to go with explaining all the reasons right now and how much detail is necessary, but essentially the main reason is that Scott's dad and my father in law, Nick, has been battling stage 4 colon cancer for the past five years like a champ.  Recently, he  has come across some physical obstacles, including changes in treatment, that have led him to decide to retire, so that he can focus on his family and his well-being.  It hasn't been an easy decision for him or us, but we all feel like it's best for Scott to start getting to know Nick's clients, and building a relationship with them, so that he can inherit the business, also for Nick to not have to worry about working too hard. Scott will still have his business here in Utah as well.  The plan is to manage the one here online, while working with the other, and when we come back here, he will hopefully be able to manage the business in Philly online while working here. We will see if it works.  It's a risk for us, we could easily loose clients and money out here in Utah while we're away, and we could easily loose clients in Philly who just don't want to make the adjustment to having a new accountant to deal with who isn't Nick. The potential gain would outweigh the risk though, not to mention the time we would be able to spend with family out there, who we don't get to see as often as we like.  Mostly I'll be happy to see family, as I think Scott is too. I'm hoping that at some point we will be in a position where we can spend all our summers out there in Philly and the School year out there in Utah, that way we can spend time with both families, and be able to manage both businesses easier, also so that my children get exposed to more than one culture as far as the way people think and live their lives.  I love Utah, but I believe that kids should also see what life is like other than what's in their immediate surrounding bubble wherever that is.  I was lucky enough to have parents who traveled often, not just state wide but also to different countries, sometimes spending over a year somewhere else, and even though we always came back to Utah, I was able to learn a lot about people in general and be more balanced as a person. I think it helped me have a better point of view on life in general and still stay grounded to my core values.
Speaking of the way I was raised, I'm thankful that my parents have been so extremely supportive of us leaving and going out there.  My amazing mother comes over and helps me with the laundry and dishes every day, as well as helping me press and fold clothes so that they will be ready to pack. She has also hired some help with maintaining our backyard and keeping it weed free and clean since I'm still in hermit mode. Both of my parents are doing everything they can to make the transition easier for us, and are excited to come out and visit while we are there.

So that's basically what's new with us.

Here are some recent pictures of Samuel:

3 weeks old. Another binki lover

Looking  around

2 weeks old. Instagram picture

This one was taken with my phone a few days ago.  I love that he's looking right at the camera. This is the closest to what he looks like right now.  It's so hard to snap a shot of how they really look at this age because they're always making faces.