Family is everything.

In a way, I've been dreading writing in my blog lately.  At first it was because my previous post may have come across as negative, but really that was me basically giving myself a pep talk.  Weird but true. So that was the first reason,  but then so much had  happened since then, that I didn't even know how to start blogging again.  Mostly because I've been worried about things I am going to write in this post.  Of course I could always avoid it until later, and only talk about what it was like to travel with my children across the country, through the airport, our trip to the Outer Banks in North Carolina, the home we now live in, and all the new things about being here in Pennsylvania.  I could write about all of that, and I will, but not right now.  Right now I have to try to write into words, some deep feelings I'm not even sure I know how to express.  Feelings I know are necessary to express, but are hard to explain, or describe. Feelings of joy, sadness, inspiration, grief and faith.  Feelings of love. Specifically love for my family.
Also feelings of hate.  Hate for the disease called cancer.  I hate this disease with all my soul.
I watched my schoolmate in 5th grade suffer from it at just 10 years old.  I heard her mother and father explain that they didn't know what would happen to her and saw them both start to cry.  I saw her loose her hair and wear bandanna's to school.  It was the first time I had seen what cancer does to people on a personal level.  I remember how she didn't make it through the school year, and that they planted a tree in her name on the school grounds.  She was just a little girl.  I can't think of anything more unfair.
I watched my uncle suffer from it in Bolivia.  My mother and I flew out there for two months, to help him and his family as much as possible.  I saw him suffer, and he suffered without all the proper medication and medical care he needed, because he was in a third world country. We did everything we could to find medicine to ease the pain, but I sat in the room with him while he writhed and called out in agony, I watched my mother be brave to his face, and then when we would leave the room she would break down in tears over what we saw. I hugged her while she cried. It's still a hard memory for me. He passed away a few weeks after we came back to the states.
I've seen it affect friends, coworkers, bishops teachers and neighbors. People I care about, people I've worked with, served with, and laughed with.   I've seen three, three of my close friends from high school loose their mothers from it.
Two weeks ago, I saw my father in law pass away from it.  I hate. Hate cancer.
The thing is, this post isn't going to dwell on those feelings.  I don't want to be negative, and I don't want to be depressing, or sad, and I don't want my heart to be poisoned by those feelings.  I want to talk about what matters the most, the feelings of love, joy, hope, faith, and happiness.  All those feelings come from family.  Family is everything.  I've always been taught that, and as I continue to go through life, I'm convinced more and more over time of how true it is.
  The best part though, is not only that family everything, but it is something that goes on forever.  Both in a literal and metaphorical sense.  Nick lives on through his sons, through the attributes he's passed on to them, through the good habits, the example, the hard work and the dedication that he taught them.  His personality quirks,  the things he loves, his hobbies, his passions, his attitude, his consistency, his priorities, even his life's work, has all passed down to his six sons.  The wonderful attributes that he had here on earth will continue to be practiced by them, and their children, and their children's children.  In that sense, it goes on forever, but there's a much stronger, sweeter, forever than that. Not only did he leave a legacy behind through his posterity, but we really are eternally connected through God.  We will all be actually physically together again; death cannot break a family's connection, if anything it makes it stronger, and some day when it's our turn to leave our bodies and move on into the next life, he will be there waiting for us and welcoming us.  Just having this knowledge is one of the most wonderful, and joyful sources of comfort possible here on earth.  I'm so thankful for that knowledge.  It's not just a belief, I know it will happen.  I know it.
Nick knew it too. He knew the importance of family.  Less than two weeks before he passed on, we spent a wonderful evening together with him celebrating his life and his accomplishments.  Each of his sons gave a heartfelt speech about things they've learned from their father and how those things have helped them into their adulthood.  He in turn, spoke about them, and all of us as his family. It was one of the last times he was able to speak for such a long period of time, and even then it required effort.  It's no coincidence that some of his last words were about the value of his family. 

"...My children, daughter's in law, our grandchildren are the greatest gift in life to me. I'm thankful for that.  I'm grateful to Heavenly Father for that. He's made it possible, as have all of you.  I love you more than life itself....I've got what I want for my family, you're doing the right things, you're rearing your children properly, you love each other.  Do what you need to do.  The foundation's been set. Foundations cannot be overemphasized.  You set a foundation; you set it strong, it's really hard to tear that foundation down.  Keep on the path your on.  Keep building that strong foundation with all your kids. You've go a difficult path ahead of you, the world is wicked and it's only going to get worse.  You are purveyors of the truth." Nicholas Craig Itri

Nick loved his family.  He loved his family "more than life itself."  I can't think of anything more honorable in a person than to truly love their family with all their heart, and to continuously express that love and appreciation for them.  He did that.  When Scott and I got married in the temple, and he hugged us both to congratulate us, he turned to Scott, and said, with tears in his eyes, pointing to me, "You treat her like a queen."  It is one of my favorite memories of him I'll ever have.   I'll will cherish that memory for the rest of my life, and I will never forget it.  He already showed a tremendous amount of love for me in that moment, even though he hadn't known me very long.
  I may not have lived here in Pennsylvania with him and seen him all the time,  but I still loved Nick.  I loved watching him tease his sons and play jokes on them, I loved watching him and my brother in law Dan get into sand fights at the beach.  I loved watching my little son Seth crawl in his lap and lean his head on Nick, and Nick in return, rubbed his head in affection.  I loved watching him crack up at silly things and not be able to stop laughing at them.  I loved seeing him sit back and smile in amusement while his grand kids made noise and ran around the house, because he enjoyed having them around even though they were loud and crazy.  I loved seeing my husband talk to him about their jobs, and asking him for advice.  He was a good man.  He passed his test here in mortality.  His sons will carry on the good he gave to the world, and now he can continue to do good in the next life.  I can only hope that one day that I will have a strong positive influence on my children, the way he was able to have a strong influence on his.  Many of his traits were passed on to my husband, Scott.  I fell in love with Scott because of the personality he had, and Nick influenced that.  I will always be grateful to Nick and his wife, Margret, for the good they instilled in Scott.  They gave me my husband, my eternal companion, the person I have chosen to be with forever.  I love both of my in-laws for that.  He has learned so many of his good qualities from each of them.

Our youngest son Samuel, has the name Nicholas for a middle name. We gave him that name, because while we were deciding on names, we heard his health was starting to fail, and we were worried about how much time he had left here. We gave Samuel that middle name, because we wanted him to be able to think about his grandfather in case he wouldn't get the chance to get to know him here here in this life.
When we got out here to see him for the first time since his health started to fail, the first thing Scott did was hand Samuel to him to let him hold him. I didn't have my camera with me at that moment, but thankfully we do have a picture of him holding our last child.  It was the last time we all took pictures as a family.
 We love that we will be able to show Samuel this picture one day, and say that, "That man holding you, is your grandpa, you're  middle name is the same name as his, you were named after him because we loved him, and wanted you to be able to think about him."  Hopefully because Samuel will see that he's being held by him in this picture, and that they share a name, he will be able to have interest in knowing about him and his life as he gets older.

Margie and Nick Itri with all their current grandchildren.

Here is our last picture as a whole family together:

Nick's Legacy

We will all miss him.  It has been a hard few weeks here.  Hard to watch his health deteriorate, and hard to say goodbye for now.  It's hard to grieve, but grief, in itself, is also an important part of life. It's required of all of us to grieve, in order to become more like Christ.  Anyone who experiences sincere love for others, will eventually suffer grief.  Elder Lance B. Wickman, a member of the seventy and an authority in our religion, having experienced his own form of grief for his young son, explained, "Grief is the natural by-product of love.  One cannot selflessly love another person, and not grieve at his suffering or eventual death.  The only way to avoid the grief would be to not experience the love; and it is love that gives life it's richness and meaning."

I love that quote.  That quote has proved itself to be true these last two weeks.  I'm so blessed, and lucky and proud, to be married into a family that has so much love in it.  I've seen love here around me, in spite of the feelings of grief.  Sons loving fathers, Husbands loving wives, parents loving their children, wives being there for their husbands, brothers being there for brothers, and sons being their for their mother. What an incredible thing to be a part of in this world, especially in the times we live in, and what a wonderful thing to enjoy throughout life. THAT is happiness.  The bond that you have as a family not just through the good times, but also the hard ones.  The love that exists and grows between those family members as they go through the craziness of life.  The amount of love that I've seen these last few weeks in this family is truly inspiring, and has made my love for my Itri family grow even stronger.  

Families can be together forever.  Forever in attributes, forever in posterity, forever in both this life and the next, and forever in their love.  

Thank you Nick, for reminding me of that important truth.  Even at the end of your life here in mortality, you still managed to teach and bring your family together, and to help me love and appreciate my husband, children, and extended family more than ever.