Life and stuff

I guess I should make an update since it's been a little while since I've talked about how our family is doing as a whole.  Overall I can't complain.  Um. Well that's not true, but I have no right to complain. So that's good enough for me. Talk to me when the 4th baby adjustment takes place and we will see.
Life is good, this pregnancy feels like it's gone faster than the others, probably because my other three babies keep me busy.  I'm worried about the stress of a newborn coming up, but also sort of accepting of the fact that it will be hard and that's okay. You gotta do what you gotta do.   I told my mom over the weekend that it will take at least another year before my life will feel manageable again, if not a year and half, but since this is my last baby it's worth the sacrifice. Actually life would be manageable right now, since Jake has become a fun loving toddler as opposed to a demanding infant.  Mostly the pregnancy is what slows things down by  making simple things like lifting, twisting, bending, walking, sleeping, standing, sitting, etc. kind of hard. Which is to be expected, it's just that I've never dealt with all that with three kids before.  Then again all this physical difficulty will be a memory at some point, so I just need to buck up and be a real woman. They displayed this picture in relief society today about "putting on the whole armor of God" as a woman.  It's a nice reminder that us women are very much warriors in our own way in this world with the things we go through:

I am WOMAN!  Roar!!!

I thought about being funny and Photoshopping my head on a warrior woman's image, but all the ones on Google images are wearing skimpy clothes, which kind of defeats the purpose.  That and I'd have to Photoshop a giant stomach onto it.  Which would still be funny actually.  Maybe another time.

I won't lie.  I worry at times about balancing 4 kids.  I'm not that worried about the demands it will take on my physical and emotional well being so much, as how it will feel for my kids to share the attention. As much as I may jokingly complain, sometimes much more than I should, but secretly I pride myself on being able to take a physical/emotional beating when necessary. I've been through enough in my life to know that I can be as tough as I need to be when the occasion arises and I don't have to prove anything to anyone...but what about my three babies? Yes, they are still "babies" to me. I want my babies to feel good through the adjustment. I want to be fair to all of them, I want them all to feel loved, I don't want any of them to feel ignored.  I don't want any of them laying on a couch with a therapist years later talking about how their mom didn't care enough about them because she was busy paying attention to their other siblings.  Crystal is my oldest, she is my only daughter, she is the princess. Seth is the oldest son and our first boy...air to Scott's throne, and will be the principal priesthood holder next to Scott in the home one day.  Honestly, I worry most about my little Jakey.  With another baby boy playing the youngest behind him and stealing his thunder, I'm worried that he will feel ignored. He's in a weird spot being between the oldest son and the youngest child.  I'm worried that out of the three boys he will feel a lack of individual attention.  Then again, anyone who knows Jake knows he fights for his fair place in every aspect of his life.  The kid does not back down when he wants or needs something from his parents or siblings. He's tough,  He is resourceful, determined, and really really smart.  The pediatrician tells me all the time that his personality traits are advanced for a kid his age. I'm guessing that's why Heavenly Father placed him third in my family, making him sort of the middle child in our group, because if anyone could handle it, he could, and the fact that he is who he is makes me feel more confident about having this new little guy in my home. Or at least feel a little better about it.  It was hard having a third, especially because that third was my most aggressive child, but in the long run it will be a blessing I think, because his personality just fits there better than anyone else's.  He is my only child who could possibly handle being the middle child and come out on top.

When this kid means business, he doesn't mess around. When he wants out of the high chair, you'd better pay attention. My dad calls this look "The Jacob stare down."

 Also he has Scott on his side.  Scott was a second son, he knows how it feels.  In my opinion Scott turned out alright.  Good enough for me to pick him as an eternal partner anyway.

With my older two kids, I used to say that it was the "terrible ones" instead of "terrible twos," because they form their independence, and individual opinions, but lack proper communication, therefore get frustrated and throw tantrums.  With Jakey though, he was hardest for his first 12 months, because he was a really fussy baby, and already surprisingly stubborn.  I can't help but wonder if he had stomach issues as well.  Now that he's a year and a half, his personality is blossoming.  He's hilarious, and he's mischievous.  He adores his Daddy, and loves to rough house.  He loves to play hide and seek, he loves it when you jump out of a hiding place and scare him, and he loves to cuddle on his parents laps. His tongue has loosened up and he is starting to speak here and there. It's always fun to hear him try and talk.  Usually there are a few understandable words mixed with his own gibberish.  He loves to laugh, and has a strong but very sneaky sense of humor, and loves to play with his siblings.  He looks up to Crystal like she's a third parent.

Watching TV with Crystal.  I love this face he makes with his bottom lip sticking out.  He does it a lot when he's thinking.

 He has become my little buddy. We've really bonded the last six months or so.  He follows me around the house whenever I try to clean and even though it slows me down, I love that he wants me to hold him and that he loves to sit with me.  When I try to do my prenatal yoga and sit cross legged on the floor, he always runs up and sits on my lap.  I usually do yoga when he naps because he makes it impossible otherwise by grabbing my face or climbing on my back or crawling between my legs or giving me big sloppy kisses. It makes me laugh but also makes it impossible to meditate.  (Yes, I am a HUGE believer in meditating when your a mom. It keeps me sane. Laugh if you must.)

Scott got me a new recliner for the pregnancy/new baby.  Jacob takes a nap in it every single afternoon.  He loves it more than I do.

 He's also the jealous type. Even though he's a daddy's boy, he can't stand it when Scott pulls my attention away from him and will physically try to push Scott away from me with both arms when he wants my attention.  That being said, when Scott comes home from work, he rushes over to greet him and be held by him and play with him. Scott can rough house with him which is great because I can't even lift him up half the time. He is obsessed with 'Lightening McQueen' and 'Buzz Lightyear'.  Even though his vocabulary isn't that large, he plays pretend with his toys, making "vroom" sounds with his cars and making his Buzz toy fly around the house.  He loves animals and playing outside in the yard.  Instead of "mommy" he calls me "Mum," Like a little British man. It's really endearing when he does it. I love hearing it. He still loves his blanket, and his binkie.   He loves the song, "Jesus wants me for a sunbeam" and throws his hands up in the air during the "beam" part. His tantrums make me laugh. He dramatically flops on the floor, and rolls across the room and then army crawls back toward me like he is in pain. He loves to be teased and will try to tease you back. He is now old enough to be one of the gang as far as keeping up with his older siblings, and even though he is half their size, he absolutely considers himself one of them, without any lack of confidence in his abilities.

 He is surprisingly aggressive for someone so small.   I'm loving him at eighteen months, and all the hard work with him that first grueling year is starting to pay off with the bond I have formed with him.  I miss him when he goes to bed at night.

Let's see, what else is new?
Scott is doing well with the business.  This time of year is always a little slow with taxes, but they've had some new clients come in this month which is always a good thing, so far things are progressing, and they've recently come up with some new ideas that should keep the company growing.  As risky as it is when you start a new business, things are going fine for right now, which is a good thing because our air conditioning unit needed to be replaced, and it wasn't cheap.  Of course I had to be in my third trimester when the air conditioner dies...that's just the way life works.  We were living off of ceiling fans, screen doors in the nighttime and ice cold drinks for at least a week before they could change it.  Also the dishwasher broke down, for a week, and we just got a part on that replaced.  That's what happens when you buy a house that's been around for at least 10 years.  We've already made a point to make sure the next house we get is brand new. (He wants to build.) The fun thing about our house right now  though, is being involved in  home improvements, including converting our loft into a fourth bedroom, and replacing some of the gravel in our backyard with sod so that there's more grass out there, and more room for the kids to play.  Everywhere we look we are finding new projects around the house. We are also going to change the color of our cabinets, which we have all the supplies for but haven't gotten around to yet. I'm not exactly sure when we will since I give birth soon, but we will see. Scott does most of the manual work because at this point in my pregnancy I'm like an 85 year old lady.  I hate not being able to do stuff but it is what it is.  It's fun seeing Scott get involved in this stuff though.  He has done the research and is learning how to do a lot of handy work that he never did before, and he's doing a great job at it.
I'm basically doing fine for a pregnant lady.  I'm bigger/heavier than I've ever been in my life, about ten pounds more than when I gave birth to my other kids, so that's not my favorite but it's my fourth kid and that's what happens when you have four kids.  Yesterday on the news there was a specialist saying that pregnant mothers should only gain 25-35 pounds while pregnant.  I've gained over 40 and I still have three weeks left...so I gave the TV monitor the finger and changed the channel.  I try not to think about it, and usually I do pretty good  until I look in the mirror.  I hate mirrors.  That being said, even when I do look, I look away and sing a happy song in my head and pretend it's not happening.  I will deal with the weight when I have the ability to, and in the meantime it makes no sense to think about things I have no control over.  No big problems, except that I'm a little dehydrated these days, at least that's what my doctor says so I'm doing my best to drink more water. I also have random hormone surges in my body that create weird effects like rapid heart beat, shaking, and a weak stomach, but that will only randomly happen every once in a while.  Never happened with any of the other kids.  Weird.  Every pregnancy really is totally different. I crave a lot of artichokes, salad, snap peas, and fruit.  I hate most meat.  Scott says this baby is going to come out green because I mostly crave vegetables.   I went in almost a week ago and the Doctor said I was dilated to a 2 already, and I go in again in 3 days to get checked again, so we will see if I last the whole three weeks or not. My mom keeps saying I won't.  I'm actually hoping I do.  I know most moms want to go early, but I get nervous when I'm in labor, I worry too much about something bad happening or the baby not having enough time to cook in there.  Both Crystal and Jake came 2 weeks early, and I had to get them both out. My water broke with Crystal on a day when I was happily minding my own business, so I had no choice but to get her induced back then because I was only dilated to a one when that happened.  With Jake, I had been in early labor for a couple of days, and when I went in with contractions 3-5 minutes apart, they noticed his heartbeat was acting funny, and dropping during some of the contractions, so they kept me there in the hospital to monitor him and put me on pitocin if it didn't stop, which it didn't so out he came.  Then with Seth, they had to put me on meds because I wouldn't stop bleeding after the delivery.  While in labor with Jake my blood pressure dropped and I basically passed out during the labor so they had to snap me out of it and put me on oxygen, sooo labor isn't my favorite.  It intimidates me, also I'm not a fan of the pain either. Also I'm not a big fan of the healing process either.  So to get to the point, I'm not anxious to give birth, and it's weird, but it's true.  Life seems a little easier with little Samuel on the inside of me so far.  Pregnancy isn't easy, but at least I feel like I have a little control in my life for a few weeks right now.
Oh, yes.  His name is Samuel.  Scott and I had been going through a list of names and it was pretty horrible trying to agree on names we both liked.  Then we would come up with two or three names and think we were getting close, then wake up in the morning and one or both of us would look at our names again and decide we hated them and start from scratch.  Scott likes very basic, normal, every day guy names.  Nothing fancy, nothing trendy, nothing hard to spell or nothing that could be confused for a girl.  (Actually there are girls that go by the name "Sam" short for Samantha, which bugged him at first, but he got over it.)  I wasn't nearly as picky as Scott was.  As long as it wasn't a name that I absolutely hated, I was willing to compromise.  My biggest problem is that a lot of the names Scott liked were too common, and too boring. I won't say what they were so that anybody who has those names won't be offended, but they all reminded me of construction workers.  I like that both Seth and Jacob have scriptural references.  Seth came from the bible...after Cain killed Abel, Adam gave the priesthood to Seth, who was supposedly a lot like Abel in nature and personality, and of course his love for God. So Seth helped carry the priesthood to the rest of the world.  Jacob, is both in the Book of Mormon and the Bible.  Jacob fathered the 12 tribes of Israel, and was a second son in birth order, but still very strong in personality. Just like ours.  Jacob in the B.O.M. was Nephi's little brother, and became the Prophet after Nephi died.  He knew his share of dealing with hard times and still stayed faithful.  Ultimately the name Samuel was a good compromise for us, because it's not an abnormal name, and it's also in the scriptures as well.  Even though the name is both in the Bible and the B.O.M. again, I was particulary attached to the B.O.M. prophet because the prophet in that book was commanded to preach to the city of Nephi, who didn't listen to him and threw him out, and instead of giving up he climbed onto the city walls and delivered his message that way.  I love that he was set on his purpose, and what was right, and that he wasn't afraid of what other people thought or did because of it.  I want this little boy I'm going to have to be that way.  He's going to grow up in a world that is really confusing and full of people who will have different values and opinions and may try to bully him into thinking their way, and I want him not to be afraid to stand up for what he feels is right, no matter what.  I'm hoping he will use that prophet as a reference for the attitude I want him to have growing up when dealing with his peers and society in general.  So that's why the name appeals to me.  Scott felt good about it too, so we went with that.  His middle name is going to be Nicholas, after Scott's dad.  It means "victory of the people," which in a way, kind of fits the spirit of his first name in the sense that I want this little boy to stand out in a crowd when it comes to doing the right thing.

I'm told that someday I will be happy that I have a record of this.  For right now it's not my favorite, but here is proof that this is actually happening.  Again.

The other thing I didn't post that happened at the end of  last month was my little Crystal's last day of first grade.  She is growing up so so fast.  The whole day was actually kind of chaotic because I had a lot of deadlines that week.  Then I went through all kinds of trouble to run and get a boquet of flowers for Crystals teacher the night before as a token of appreciation for all she's done, and that was a pain because I had to go out of my way to get them and then argue with Scott, that yes, it was a necessary thing to do to get her teacher flowers.  THEN we somehow slept in that morning and in the chaos of getting Crystal out the door and to her school in time, I freaking forgot to send those flowers with her and didn't remember until way after Crystal got home when I saw them in a vase in our spare room.  Oops.  Yeah Scott had a great time making fun of me for that one.  On the plus side, they looked great on the dining room table. 
Anyway, here is a quick pic of my little angel on her way out the door for her last day.   I was so proud of her!

She is so grown up!  I love this girl.

Anyway, aside from Seth's birthday which I already posted about, that's how we've been for the month of June.  At this point I have two weeks and 5 days until I give birth. The kids are great.  A handful, but great nonetheless.  I still go to bed every night thinking of them and how much I love them.  They are my whole life.  Scott has done a great job at being supportive and patient because I can't do anything right now, so he helps me put the kids to bed and does all the lifting for me.  I really appreciate it and I try and make sure he knows that.  He's also patient with my occasional rants about how I hate not being able to move or do anything.  I'm sure it gets really repetitive. 
Life is good.  I keep saying that because it's true.  I'm thankful for the joy and happiness I feel in my life right now, and I'm looking forward to having even more of it when this little guy becomes part of my world forever.