It's definitely been a week where I've been thinking about Motherhood. From some friends experiences, to Katrina passing away as I mentioned in my last post, to my own experiences. Some private, some I'm willing to mention.
I love being a mother. I've said it dozens of times. It's not easy, but the payoff is fantastic. That being said, it's a lot of work, and it's easy to get frustrated.
I know I've made a post earlier about how attitude is everything when you're a mom, and it's true. Everything I wrote in that post is the absolute truth, but that being said, I hope I didn't imply that I'm this happy, cheerful, leave it to beaver 1950's era lady who has everything perfect in her home, and never lets a negative thought poison her attitude. That's simply not true. Though I often wish I could be that kind of mom, I'm much more human than that, and being pregnant, I'm sensitive and emotional, in pain, and tired all the time, which can be a lethal combination for anyone who suffers such ailments, regardless of who they are. So don't go thinking that I'm one of those "has it together" ladies. I'm not. In fact, it's hard not to resent, or even feel sorry for women who seem like they do. I say seem like it, because I think "always having it together" is a lie, that for some reason we feel like we need to fit in to as suburban moms and housewives. If you've ever watched the TV show "Madmen", it's the 'Betty Draper' syndrome. She looks great, but inside she is a wreck. Not because she's a housewife (which the show tries to make it seem like...don't get me started on some of the skewed political messages of the show itself) but because she's trying too hard to be, or at least look like, the perfect housewife.
 |
| She does look fabulous though. |
It doesn't exist. The perfect homemaker who can always cook nutritious delicious meals, stay in perfect rock hard shape, always have a smile on her face, always have her kids faces and clothes spotless, always have the house spotless, makes all her kids clothes, manages to give her kids a Harvard quality education by homeschooling, never lets her children watch television or play a game on her phone, never raises her voice, plants perfect flowers in the yard and never lets a weed grow, always has the laundry cleaned and pressed and put away, never has a bad hair day, always has her legs shaved, never has a zit, never thinks a negative thought, always knows what to say and how to say it, etc. Is a complete joke, and ridiculous. Nobody can be like that all the time, you can try and improve on these things, you may even be great at a couple of them, but you will never be completely perfect at all of them at the same time, and the ones who are crazy enough to try, are just that. Crazy, and probably on some really strong antidepressants.
The reality is, that as moms, we can try the best we can, and often it won't feel like enough, but it doesn't make us failures.
I'm pretty sure that every mother knows those days when we're at our wits end. We feel like we've given everything we've had, and we've exerted ourselves in every way possible. Every mom has those days, when they momentarily consider, or at least fantasize about running away and joining the circus, because the circus would be MUCH less chaotic and feel much more organized.
I'm pretty sure that every mom has felt over worked, under appreciated, and a little bit lonely because their specific, personalized individual situation with their specific children is something they, and only they and nobody else has to deal with, and even with the support of a spouse, they still deal with specific frustrations and emotions that just can't be understood by anyone else.
I'm also pretty sure that every mom has looked at another mom, who's life seems much easier, and much less chaotic, and scoffed at how easy they may have it, or perhaps feel jealousy at the fact that they seem to handle things better than you do, or assumed that it's not fair that their situation seems much better than yours. Likewise we often look at other moms who may have challenges that seem much harder than our own, (and who knows maybe they are), and then feel horribly guilty for ever being negative about our own problems. I know I've been guilty of all of these, and you know what? My life is mine for a reason. I'm going to love it and appreciate it and not take it for granted. I'm done feeling guilty that my life may not seem as hard as someone else's, and I'm done feeling resentful of someone else who's life seems easier than mine. God gave me my life for a reason, and it's mine, my responsibility and nobody else's. I'm going to focus on that and forget about comparisons.
It's been an interesting week. There have been several ups and downs. There has been a lot of guilt in my heart, and in my head, over mistakes I've made at not being the perfect mom lately. Earlier this week I lost my temper at my kids. I was going to write a whole post about why and what they did, but then deleted it because I felt guilty for speaking negatively about things my kids did, and how it made me feel. I've spent many nights as a mother, not just this week, lying awake in my bed, thinking of every single one of my children. I worry that one child didn't get enough attention that day and may have felt ignored, I worry that another one needed more help/focus with their homework instead of me just helping them get through it as quickly as possible. I worry that another child didn't hear me say "thank you," and know how much I appreciated their help that day, I worry that one's emotional needs are not being met compared to another's, I worry that I forgot to give another their favorite snack that day even though I promised, I worry that something I said or did was negligent and that my kids will grow up with insecurities. I worry about the times that I get angry, and about the way I handled the situation and how I should have done better. I just worry, and it's always about them. Last Sunday while teaching my 13 year old class, I thought to myself that within a few years, my kids will be just like the ones I am teaching, and it scared me and made me a little sad. Don't get me wrong, I love teaching those 13 years old's, I love them to death, but the fact that my kids will stop being so bright eyed, stop with the daily I love you's, and hand holding, and stop with the goodnight kisses, and cute little notes and cuddles on the couch, and turn into actual people who hang out with their friends and do their own thing is bittersweet. I want my kids to develop their potential and progress, but I also feel a sense of panic, that I only have a short time to really influence them for the greater good, before they start figuring out life for themselves. So I stay up at night and worry.
I think that Satan is extremely aware of the power and potential of a mother. I also think that he knows the importance of our calling in God's kingdom in doing that work. Why else would the world and media work so hard to make it seem unimportant and lowly? I think Satan knows how hard our job is, and he will do everything in his power to make us feel like we are not capable of the tasks we have. I think he uses guilt, insecurities, resentfulness and fatigue as ways to discourage us from knowing who we really are and the good we can do in our homes. Heber J. Grant has said that if Satan can tear apart the family unit in society, than he will have succeeded in his goals. I also believe that Satan will never stop working on mother's in particular, because he knows how much power we have in keeping our family together through the ups and downs of life, and especially the influence we have on the future generations of this world. Yes, it is a huge responsibility, yes it can feel overwhelming, but we are not alone. The general authorities have reminded us of that over and over and over again.
There is a fantastic talk that usually circles around during this time of year for Mother's day. I've heard it and read it before, and I'm sure some of you have heard it and read it many times as well, but it's message continues to ring true and continues to remind me of some important things that it's easy to forget as a mom. This talk gives me encouragement and comfort whenever I start to let Satan get in my head. The talk was given in April 1997 General conference, it's called "Because she is a Mother" by Jeffery R. Holland. You can watch it here:
There are several points that he brings out in this talk. At first when writing this post I wanted to dissect all of it, and just talk about this address in general, but it's probably better if you listen to it yourself anyway. There are a few points he brings up however, that I love and are worth thinking about.
He says, "Do the best you can through these years, but whatever else you do, cherish that role that is so uniquely yours, and for which Heaven itself sends angels to watch over you and your little ones."
Angels are watching over us, and helping us and our kids. Here is another one:
"...It is clear that some of those Rhode Island-sized shadows (under the eyes) come not just from diapers and carpooling, but from at least a few sleepless nights spent searching the soul, seeking earnestly for the capacity to raise these children to be what God wants them to be. Moved by that kind of devotion and determination, may I say to mothers collectively, in the name of the Lord, you are magnificent. You are doing terrifically well. The very fact that you have been give such a responsibility is everlasting evidence of the trust that your Father in Heaven has in you. He knows that your giving birth to a child does not immediately propel you into the circle of the omniscient."
Also,
"No one has failed who keeps trying and praying. You have every right to receive encouragement and to know in the end your children will call your name blessed."
And one of my favorites:
"You can't possibly do this alone. But you do have help. The Master of Heaven and Earth is there to bless you....Yours is the work of salvation, and therefore you will be magnified, compensated, made more than you are, and better than you have ever been, as you try to make honest effort, however feeble you may sometimes feel that to be."
Okay last quote I promise. The rest you can listen for yourself, because I skipped a ton of it, and just showed you my personal favorite parts.
 |
You are doing God’s work. You are doing it wonderfully well.
He is blessing you and He will bless you, even—no, especially—when your days
and your nights may be the most challenging....Christ will say to the women who
worry and wonder and sometimes weep over their responsibility as mothers,
“Daughter, be of good comfort; thy faith hath made thee whole.” And it will make your children whole as well.
|
I'm so thankful for the Mother's of this world. I'm thankful for my mother, my grandmothers, and for my friends and other family members, who are also mothers and future mothers. I'm thankful that I've been blessed with this calling, that in spite of the crazy and chaotic world that I live in, that for some reason, Heavenly Father trusts me with his children. I'm thankful that I have access to information that lets me know and confirms to my heart, that I'm doing an important work, that my calling is valuable, and desperately needed in this day and time. Of course it isn't easy, we are raising future soldiers and warriors, male and female, in a world that seems to be falling apart, and full of ugliness and lies, but Heavenly Father knows we can do it, and he will help us every step of the way to make it possible. He will provide us with what we need, and give us the strength we lack when we feel like we have nothing left. We can do it, one day at a time, and one step at a time. He has a plan for us, not just as children of god, but as mothers, and he knows our individual needs, and has a specific plan for every one of our families. He knows we are capable of fulfilling our major role that specific family plan, in spite of our imperfections. I'm so thankful for that knowledge. I hope you all have a wonderful Mother's day.
P.S. This video says "Happy Mother's and sons day," but it can also apply to mother's of daughters. The basic principles are the same, it's cute.
No comments:
Post a Comment