For those who don't have a facebook account, I'm going to explain that oftimes Facebook suggests to you a name of someone you can "reconnect" with or say hello to out of your friends so you can catch up. Sometimes I listen to facebook and go say hi to the person, and other times not so much. However this time when the suggestion box came up it was my friend Ben, who was kind of like an annoying brother to me back in the single days. He, my friend Natalie, and I were all in leadership positions at the Orem institute of religion back when we were all single. We were in charge of feeding students, which we did. We would all go shopping at the grocery store together, cook the food, serve it to the students, and a lot of times just hang out. We also used to teach at the institute's missionary preparation workshops to aspiring missionaries, since all three of us were returned missionaries, and felt we had things to share and advice to give. Even after we were released from that calling, we still would all hang out, talk on the phone, and go play frisbee in the park. Ben would always call or text me when he was bored, and I would do the same. We never dated or anything, we had no chemistry together whatsoever, it was more of a brother/sister type thing. Later in life when we ran into each other again, this time with our spouses and children, he showed me pictures of his two beautiful little girls. Anyway, occasionally we would comment on each others pictures and such on Facebook from time to time, and when I saw his name pop up in the "reconnect" suggestion box, I clicked on it to peek at what he's been up to, only to find the worst surprise ever. Scott had to ask me why I was staring at my computer screen in total disbelief.
The reason why I hadn't seen him post anything for a while was because he'd passed away while flying a small plane to the Provo airport.
"Shocked" didn't even begin to describe how I felt.
Apparently this happened a while ago too, and I had no clue, and so instead of seeing his funny posts and cute pictures of his family, his facebook had become a memorial where people could write things they missed about him.
Every time I think of his wife, and daughters my heart hurts. All I could do was wish I'd known sooner, so that I could do something to help her and those beautiful little girls to have a better Christmas this last December, even if it was just some money to buy gifts for themselves.
It's always kind of a shock when someone you know dies. I've decided that it will never get easier to comprehend, at least for me. I also guess that I was shaken up by it because it wasn't because he was sick, or doing something reckless, he just went to work one day and never came home.
Even though I was upset, I went about the rest of my day like always, but something was bothering me in the back of my head. As the day went on, I got more easily annoyed, and more irritable and frustrated. I found myself getting argumentative over petty subjects, and just in an overall rotten mood. I got into bed and tried and tried to figure out why I was so upset since he and I hadn't even talked in person in years, and it's not like he was someone I saw everyday anymore. Was it the shock of it? Was it because I felt so bad for his wife and girls? Then I realized what was bothering me.
He went to work one day and then never came back.
Who's to say that it won't happen to Scott one day when he's commuting on horrible I-15 to work and back? Especially because the weather here in Utah is not always great when it comes to driving conditions. On what was now Ben's memorial facebook page, his wife would still occasionally leave heartfelt messages on his wall, telling him she loved him, or appreciated him, or that she was looking forward to seeing him again. Although I admire her immensely for her strength, it's still heartbreaking to think of what she's been through; to have someone you love ripped out of your life so suddenly, without any warning or preparation, and being left to comfort your children and pick up the pieces. I'm not going to lie, it scared me. I obviously know that anybody can die at any time, but when it happens to someone you know like that, it makes it more real than ever. Without thinking I grabbed onto Scott and hugged him as hard as I could without saying anything, but he knew exactly what I was thinking because he hugged me back and said. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon." Though it was comforting, I did what most girls do when their emotional and burst into tears. Even more so, because he knew me well enough to know what was bothering me even before I did. All I could say to him through my sobs were, "You can't ever leave me."
Scott, like the great man he is, said a lot of comforting things...and particularly reminded me of Temple covenants, and eternal blessings. He did a great job at helping me to calm down from my momentary panic and remind me of the bigger picture.
I'm so thankful for temple blessings. I'm so thankful that Heavenly father has a plan for everyone, and he knows our needs and how to help us be happy here in this life, no matter what happens. I'm thankful for my friend Ben, not only for all the fun memories, hilarious arguments, interesting conversations, and laughs, but because his passing reminded me of how much I need to love, and appreciate my husband EVERY day, because EVERY day with someone you love is a blessing. His wife and daughters will continue to be in my prayers, and I know they'll be reunited again...and from what I know from his personality, he's still looking after them.
I hope with all my heart that Scott is right, and he won't be going anywhere anytime soon, but if for some reason he does, I know that because of the blessings that come from being sealed in the temple that we'll be together forever no matter what. I love him so much and am so blessed to have found him among so many others. I often feel like he's sort of my hidden treasure, because if anyone else knew how great he really is, and how many wonderful things he does in secret without telling people, and what an amazing husband he is in private, that some other girl would have snatched him up before I had the chance to fall in love with him.
Being able to be with the ones you love forever is the best blessing in the world.
2 comments:
Oh Lisa, I've been here! I've had two deaths of friends in my life, one of a heart attack at only 21 and another I found out after his passing that he had been quietly suffering from pancreatic cancer and didn't tell anyone. It is so scary how fast life can be taken from you. However, life can go on and be a celebration in honor of those who left this earth earlier than you feel they should have. Sorry to hear of your friends passing, it can definitely eat at you when it's someone you know. Have you reached out to his wife to let her know of who you are? You should, let her know the fun moments you guys shared in your callings, it may be of comfort for her to hear of happy times that she may have never heard before. Again, sorry to hear of your friends passing.
I went through this recently. A friend from high school passed away from brain cancer last month. He had only been married 6 months. It scared me!!! I immediately thought about what would happen if something were to happen to Rob. It bothered me for days. Even though I hadnt talked to this friend since high school it still made it unbelievably real. I got very bitter, trying to figure out why this had to happen. Rob comforted me like Scott did you but still my heart aches for his widow. It just doesnt seem like we should have to deal with this at our age, but it does happen more often these days I find. Since then I count my blessings too and have been really good at not complaining about life. We're healthy, our families are healthy (mostly) and anything else is so insignificant.
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